Want to quantify how sad your life is? Take our quiz!

As fall has just begun, the anticipation for changing leaves and everyone’s fetish for pumpkin spice has everyone in the spirit of the season. And sure, fall is the perfect time to eat apple cider donuts and go apple picking, but all of these things are just a distraction. Rather, the changing weather is an ominous remind­er that soon the sun will abandon us and day­light hours will only extend until 3 p.m. Not only this, but course loads will imminently be growing so large that our brains will explode while we have to smile through the pain; like a Jack-o’-Lantern that has been left out on a porch until Thanksgiving. If you don’t feel dis­traught already, you will soon. So why not take The Misc’s personality quiz: What Level of De­spair Are You?

  1. How many hours a day do you cry?
  2. A) I haven’t cried since I was a baby!
  3. B) I’m not sure, my vision is obscured be­cause it’s full of welling tears.
  4. C) All of them.
  5. How do you feel about your classes?
  6. A) Amazing! I’m taking five classes and I have a 4.0 GPA!
  7. B) Could be better. Could be worse.
  8. C) Every time I look at the syllabus, I know it’s judging me.
  9. Favorite fall look?
  10. A) Scarves, boots and sweaters, all the way!
  11. B) I think the material from my sweatpants has melded with my skin…
  12. C) The bags under my eyes are a nice shade of purple, actually.
  13. Favorite fall event on campus?
  14. A) Halloweekend 😉
  15. B) I have to say my House Team’s Event…
  16. C) Halloweekend. But only because it gives me an excuse to get cataclysmically wasted in a Power Rangers costume.
  17. Favorite Autumnal Music?
  18. A) I don’t want to be ~that~ person, but I’m already listening to Christmas music.
  19. B) Bon Iver really resonates with me because I like the idea of moving to a solitary cabin in the woods.
  20. C) “Wake Me Up When September Ends”
  21. Have you been sick yet?
  22. A) Nope! I’m getting eight hours of sleep every night, washing my hands constantly and taking Vitamin C every day!
  23. B) I just slam dunked a tissue into the trash.
  24. C) My body is riddled with everything.

Now, tally up how many A’s, B’s and C’s you have! This may be difficult if you’re not a math major, but just try your best. Got the results? Now see what level of despair you’re at! Or don’t. I’m not your mother.

  1. If you have a majority of A’s…

You are not experiencing despair at all! You are a well-adjusted individual and are living your best life during this fall season. Go fuck yourself. The rest of us are here struggling and no one is interested in watching you frolic through the piles of fallen leaves, bake pump­kin bread and somehow still do really well aca­demically. Seriously, tone it down.

  1. If you gave a majority of B’s…

Fall is starting to get you a little low! You are not experiencing full-blown despair, but like they say in “Game of Thrones,” “There is a slight chance that winter may be approach­ing.” The next illness, less-than-satisfactory test grade or lack of Mini Wheats at the Deece. Never fear, it is only slightly pathetic! But we’ve all been there, it’s okay!

  1. If you have a majority of C’s…

Despair abounds… There is no hope. You may as well go hibernate with the womp-womps and try again in the spring.

If you don’t have a majority of any letter…

You did the quiz wrong.

Disclaimer:

If you are experiencing despair, you’re prob­ably going through a lot and that feeling is nor­mal. We at The Miscellany News care about your well-being! Please consider visiting Met­calf or calling the Counseling Service at (845) 437-5700. If you are experiencing an emergen­cy after their business hours, please call CRC at (845) 437-7333 to get in contact with the Coun­selor on Call!

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