Thanksgiving break is always such a tease. You go back home for a few days, fill yourself with food and pretend that the historical implications of this genocide… I mean holiday, don’t bother you. All the while you lull yourself into a false sense of security. “Oh the semester’s nearly over!” you whisper whilst wrapping yourself into a blanket burrito thicker than a Crunchwrap Supreme. “I’ll write my eight-page paper and read The Waves after this nap! I have time…”
WRONG. Sure you feel safe now, but you’ll get back to campus only to remember that after Thanksgiving break, as finals begin to loom, Vassar essentially becomes a war-zone; people are milling about aimlessly, completely shell-shocked and others are weeping on the ground, wishing to be taken out of their pain. It’s truly a magical time of the year.
In fact, you’re probably only reading the Misc because you’re procrastinating on even thinking about any of your end-of-term assignments! I feel that. While you’re here, why not take our newest personality quiz: How Ready Are You for the End of the Semester?
1. Have you made winter break plans already?
A. Are you kidding? I’m considering staying on campus! I’d be super pumped to freeze my ass off and live in someone’s room in Noyes!
B. I’ve started to think about it…although I’ll probably just end up sleeping a lot.
C. I’ve already moved out of my room. I’m counting down the days.
2. What assignments are you working on right now?
A. I’m just putting the finishing touches on a final paper! I had so much fun working on it with the research librarians.
B. I keep pivoting between a 300-page reading, a 10-page paper, an oral report and baking cookies in order to suck up to my professors. I have hope that I can finish everything in time…I think.
C. Every time I look at my syllabuses (syllabi??), I know it’s judging me.
3. Favorite late-night study snack?
A. Oh, I don’t have one. Since most of my work is done, I’m in bed by 9 p.m.
B. A latte with a few shots of espresso … Okay, it’s 10, 10 shots of espressos
C. Five Hot Pockets
4. What’s the state of your social life?
A. I’m just off to have a wholesome night of playing Scrabble in Lathrop with some friends, actually!
B. I’ve been missing a lot of org meetings recently so I haven’t had much human contact. But sometimes I have awkward interactions in the bathroom with my fellowees…so that’s something!
C. Yesterday my roommate texted me from the room asking me where I was. I was in my bed but I had been covered in pillows for so long she had to help excavate me. Like an archaeologist.
5. Have you asked any professors for extensions?
A. Heavens no!
B. I don’t know if I’ll need to, but I’ve been considering it.
C. At this point, my entire life is one long extension
6. What’s in your recent search history?
A. My LinkedIn profile! Since I have so much time on my hands, I might as well start shaping up my public image.
B. I just typed my entire problem set into Google
C. Netflix only
Okay, now tabulate your results! Hey! No! Don’t use a calculator. I know it’s the end of the semester but have some dignity, my sweet dude.
If you have a majority of A’s…
Amazingly, you’re not only still afloat this semester, you’re tanning atop a flamingo-shaped floatie in your private pool, sipping on pink lemonade. You could go on for weeks without winter break! Whatever you’re smoking, I would like some too. (Seriously…tell me your ways…)
If you have a majority of B’s…
You’re at the same place as basically everybody else; you’re super ready for break but somehow are still ahead of the work curve. You got this homeboy!
If you have a majority of C’s…
You were ready for winter break in August. Just keep plodding along, champ, the semester will be over soon enough. If you don’t have a majority of any letter, I really don’t know what to tell you. I made this quiz based on the assumption that humans are simple enough to sort neatly into categories. You’re the exception that proves the rule, I guess.