Disclaimer: I am not now, nor have I ever been a fitness instructor. I don’t know anything about your personal physical fitness journey, and I cannot be held responsible for the results of you embarking on the journey that is the indoor workout. I also cannot take credit for the ultimate badass you are about to become as you prep your bod for living your best fit life. But please, consider the kind of shape you are in before actually doing this workout. Again, I am no expert, I’m just a girl who ~tries~ to workout a lot.
Whether you’re looking for a creative way to annoy your neighbor, or you want to convince the first-years that your building really is haunted, or you’re just bored with your current fitness routine…at-home workouts may be the choice for you! (And of course, by at-home workout, I mean in-dorm workouts).
So first things first, here’s what you’ll definitely need:
1. An open window
Don’t worry, if you have been doomed to carry out the rest of your semester in a windowless dorm room, feel free to take this workout outside. (That is, if the weather ever gets better!)
2. Floor space
Again, if for some reason you live in one of the closets in Noyes or in a triple in Main that was meant to be a double, you can always plant yourself on the quad for this routine. No equipment or carpet required!
3. Absent roommates
I’m of the mindset that if you are able to sexile your roommates, then you should be able to exercise-ile them too!
4. A kick-ass playlist
If you’re not listening to music that makes you feel like a superhero during this workout, then you’re most likely doing it wrong… Remember: have no shame about this playlist. Whether you’re doing push-ups to Sufjan Stevens or Beyoncé, you’re still working out!
5. A writing utensil and a piece of paper or something else to write on
This will make sense later.
6. Some bones and some muscles and lungs
This one is self-explanatory.
And here’s a list of what you might also need:
1. A solid sports bra
Tits of every shape and size can and will get in the way of movement!
2. Two towels or a yoga mat
Who knows when you last washed your dorm room floor?!…The last thing you want to realize in the middle of a plank is that your hands and knees and elbows are touching crumbs from last night’s midnight snack.
3. A burning passion for burpees
If you’re not passionate about burpees, then I hope you at least have a burning hatred of them to fuel you through this workout.
4. (super optional) A friend to work out with you because you require attention and constant validation
Once you have secured the items you need for this workout, don’t forget to do a dynamic stretch for your body! I am no expert, but I do know that if you try to do a workout of any kind without properly warming up, you are highly likely to hurt yourself!
Up until now you may have been thinking: wow this really sounds like a joke. But I want to assure you that I take plyometrics and pilates very seriously. I’ll say it: as an athlete my guiltiest pleasure is my love of no-equipment indoor workouts. While there is more than likely an infinite number of workouts one could do in a dorm room, here is my personal favorite:
The High Intensity Interval Alphabet Game (a working title)
I understand that the first step in any fitness routine is usually the hardest, but you can rest easy on this one–the first step is arguably the easiest. You just have to take a deep breath, and spell your full name out on a sheet of paper.
This list will “spell” out your workout for you (and hold you accountable).
- A: 10 burpees
- B: 1-minute wall sit
- C: 10 star jumps
- D: 15 push-ups
- E: 20 burpees
- F: 20 push-ups
- G: 10 star jumps
- H: 15 squats
- I: 1-minute plank
- J: 30 arm circles
- K: 45-second plank
- L: 10 tricep push-ups
- M: 2-minute wall sit
- N: 30-second plank
- O: 20 push-ups
- P: 40 arm circles
- Q: 20 criss-cross jacks
- R: 10 lunges
- S: 25 squats
- T: 2-minute wall sit
- U: 10 tricep push ups
- V: 30 arm circles
- W: 20 star jumps
- X: 15 star jumps
- Y: 30-second plank
- Z: 30 criss-cross jacks
For every hyphen, apostrophe or other non-alphabetical element in your name, do 10 jumping jacks!
A few notes on these movements:
Do not underestimate arm circles…I’m pretty sure that ballerinas do this kind of exercise because it is sneakily difficult, and everyone loves a good arm.
To properly execute a star jump (upon jumping into the air) one must yell: “I’m a star!” with. each. repetition. This is essential to getting the most from each and every star jump, but I also understand that if you are working out early in the morning or late at night (as most indoor workout-ers do), I suppose you can whisper it to yourself instead of yelling.
Push-ups that happen on your knees are still real push-ups, darn it.
Try talking to yourself during the planks, because I promise you that each one will feel like its own piece of forever.