Need a lift? Vassar’s ten sexiest elevators revealed

Life at Vassar College certainly has its ups and downs. One of the advantages is having so many great buildings (in varying stages of dilapidation) in which we can live, learn and do lots of fun things that don’t involve candles or upholstered furniture. But one of the disadvantages that comes with that freedom is the unfortunate necessity of traveling from one floor to another.

This is one of many reasons why elevators are so important. They are always there for us, ready to give us a lift when we need it the most or when we don’t need it at all. In order to celebrate some of the hardest working (and sometimes not working) vertical transportation vessels on campus, here is a list of Vassar’s top 10 sexiest elevators. Where would be without them? Probably still on the ground floor because nobody likes stairs.

10. Noyes: The “Mine Shaft”

Just because it’s at the bottom of the list doesn’t mean it doesn’t have that special charm. The Noyes elevator is a wild ride from start to finish. Its slow, creaky nature and old-fashioned gate are a blast from the past, taking you all the way back to the Victorian Era. If only Noyes had more than four floors because the risk factor is the best part.

9. Joss: The “Hard to Get”

Oh, Joss elevator. You had me at “This is not a passenger elevator” written in bold, red letters. Only authorized elevator operators and cleaning supplies can understand your greatness. The rules may keep us apart, but that only makes our love grow stronger.

8. Davison: The “Slow and Steady”

Davison’s lift likes to take things nice and slow. It takes a full minute and 15 seconds to get from the basement to the fifth floor, so bring an engaging book, relax and enjoy the ride. Life is too long to take the stairs.

7. Library: The “Shoebox”

Like a good book, this hidden gem is tucked away somewhere in the center of the library. It is just barely big enough to fit a library cart and a person inside, so practicality is prioritized over comfort. If you are in the middle of a long study session and you find yourself running out of ways to procrastinate, try taking this bad boy for a spin.

6. Rocky: The “Standard Fare”

What do philosophy, math and political science have in common? That unbearable staircase that makes four flights feel like 12. John D. Rockefeller would be happy to know that the building he financed has a very functional, maintenance worker-like elevator. It’s not fancy or frilly, and it isn’t very spacious, but it always gets the job done.

5. Lathrop: The “JFK International”

With its metallic finish, backlit buttons and the sharp electronic HONK that signals a change of floor, Lathrop’s elevator is reminiscent of one you would find in a bustling airport. It’s easier to bask in the greatness of a quality elevator when you aren’t surrounded by tourists and rolling suitcases.

4. Strong: The “LaGuardia”

This one is just as sophisticated and airport-like as its fraternal twin in Lathrop but with some nice coffee brown walls. Overall, this is a fantastic means of getting from floor to floor.

3. The Bridge: The “Powerhouse of the Cell”

The most recently built elevator on campus is certainly an interesting specimen. First of all, it is confusingly large. Why would a building with only two stories possibly require a freight elevator? Also, nothing says science and experimentation like vibrant lime green flooring. This one is worth the ride simply for the sense of intrigue.

2. Jewett: The “Employee of the Month”

Situated in a building that’s basically a skyscraper, this is undeniably the hardest working elevator at Vassar. When you press the call button, it may take several hours for the Jewett elevator to arrive at your floor, but you can’t rush greatness. It is well worth the wait.

1. Main lobby: The “VIP Box”

From its smooth, oaky walls to its “space gray” linoleum floor, this elevator is designed to maximize comfort and style. In fact, this elevator is so special that you need to swipe your ID card to use it. It’s like a highly exclusive jazz club, except with more saxophone.

3 Comments

  1. The Bridge elevator is that large because some of the research equipment is that large and too fragile/heavy to be carried by hand, especially in the basement.

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