A quaint line wraps around an obscure movie theater somewhere between Union Square and New York University’s Greenwich Village campus. It catches the attention of confused moviegoers who have no knowledge of why a line would intrude on their ability to see “The Odyssey.” Their confusion is not to be blamed on them, however. The line is for an invite-only event, one so exclusive that the thick black letters of the theater’s marquee do not mention it.
The line is for a short film by an independent musician, Kevin Atwater. For his recent album, “Blush Red,” Atwater kicked off the project’s release with five singles, each with corresponding short films. These single-song-focused shorts performed well online, with some bringing in several million views on Instagram. But Atwater’s sights were set on something greater with this film: encompassing the feeling of the entire album.
Much like the album, the film follows a fictionalized version of Atwater as he struggles to create meaningful, caring relationships within the queer scene of New York City. The short film, however, is not just a music video for the album; it is a wholly unique companion piece.
While the film strays from the storyline of the album—where songs progress from what Atwater describes as a pipeline from yearning to pain to acceptance—the film focuses primarily on the pitfalls of desire. It emphasizes the same key narrative elements: a pick-up at the bar, a belief in a true connection and the cruel hammer of queer hook-up culture that shatters the authenticity of the bond.
“It was important for me to make the film different from the album,” Atwater said during the Q&A portion of the premiere. Atwater and film director Patrick Linehan reflected on a shared desire to uplift the world of “Blush Red” through contrasting storylines that all settle on one common theme: the impossibility of innocent love. Atwater and Linehan’s goal was to provide relatable, or at least moving, stories that the audience can cry to and find hope in.
Atwater describes the creation of the short film as a natural progression from the album. For his previous album, “Achilles,” he featured the work of authors in a literary collection that matched each of the album’s tracks in both title and theme. For “Blush Red,” he decided to mimic the artistry of the record in a new medium: film.
Still, to make the film, Atwater first needed to make the album. Atwater is particularly known for vulnerable and personal lyrics that, while resonating with many queer people, are meticulously self-descriptive. “why did you invite me to your wedding” details wedding invites from drunken exes, “origami roses” describes the endurance of obsessive stalking he experienced in grade school and “Ribcage” relays ridicule he experienced after accidentally emailing his entire school a message in which he showed care for another boy. All of these experiences, along the many others in his wealthy discography, illustrate the unique hardships that command his writing.
Sitting directly in front of Atwater during the Q&A session, I had a unique opportunity to ask Atwater multiple questions about his artistic process. “When it comes to creating art, do you find yourself working through pain, or more so working after a period of reflection to give yourself time to heal?” I asked.
Atwater responded with two conflicting but thoughtful answers. “I find that a lot of my work is reflective, that I can get a third-person perspective when I wait,” he told me. He described an eagerness when writing to remove himself as the sole victim of a romantic situation. To him, distance between painful events and the writing process is essential to creating meaningful, cohesive and less biased art, he explained.
However, he also mused on the benefits of writing through pain. When asked whether writing through a sour event can help heal fresh wounds, Atwater responded with distinct positivity. “Absolutely,” he said. “Creating during the experience is a great way to grapple with the weight of it.”
The film sees this same growth in its creation. Atwater’s previous mini short films for the five individual songs molded his expectations regarding virality and style, and inspired the creation of the full short, Atwater said during the Q&A. “It felt amazing to see the support,” Atwater said in response to a question about some of the singles’ success. “Of course, some didn’t do as well as we had hoped, but I am so proud of them all.” Having experienced virality, Atwater gained new motivation to create the short film. However, virality was not a direct metric of pride, Atwater stated.
“Blush Red” is a labor of love, pain, hardship and queerness, bundled into one deeply personal experience that sets out to resonate with any viewer or listener. It combines the harshness of queer dating culture with the internal reflection needed to accept loss, and illustrates the unseen struggles that members of the queer community must overcome and survive through in the modern romantic sphere.
The film, though unrecognized on the marquee, left several viewers, including filmmakers, songwriters, and novelists – all of which I had the honor of conversing with—with a newfound desire to turn pain into art and a reignited strength to persevere through turmoil. The short film is available on Kevin Atwater’s YouTube channel, and the album is streaming on all platforms. He is also set to make a stop in New York City on Oct. 1 for the Blush Red Tour.