Composing an ode to Vassar College in haikus
Air conditioning Lacking in my life right now Congrats graduates Long lines on Wednesdays Why only sushi one day? Missing old Retreat My freshman year dorm Sharing a hot sweaty…
Chloe Rogers
Misc to be replaced by artsy haikus
Grass inside my shoe — Wooden stick like a beaver. Spoons debut at “Sweets”
College used Arlington Buck funds to pay Noah Baumbach
There we were, sitting atop Main Building’s roof doing thesis research. The objective: chuck ice at the groups of traveling freshmen who take up the entire sidewalk. Our thesis aims…
Watergate hits Vassar: Who do we blame?
There we were: schmoozing up The Onion’s Head Writer with a basket of raw onions at last week’s Signature Program. He was unenthused by the handfuls of Greek yogurt we…
Misc canceled for Greek yogurt embezzlement
There we were, sunbathing in the Nircle after our Pulitzer win for Pea Milk coverage. Then, out of the blue, we saw a light from above. Someone had sent up…
‘Performative Male Contest’ was plot to harvest pea milk
So, who wants to know what pea milk is? We did. To delve into the mysterious “Product In Transit” sign on the Deece’s newest machine, we sucked on the udder-of-truth…