Vassar College to go pigeon-only; no more human students
Shock swept campus today as Vassar College announces plans to go pigeon-only, no longer admitting human students. The decision came after weeks of debate among Board of Trustees members and…
Josie Wenner
Evil Vassar celebrates 100 years of evil arboretum
Evil Vassar College, Vassar College’s known archnemesis, has plans to celebrate the centennial anniversary of their evil arboretum. The celebration will include evil cake, evil speeches and evil tree planting…
Vassar to microchip students; campus trembles in fear
Vassar College has announced plans to implant microchips in students that will zap them when they walk the wrong way in the Deece dishroom. This decision comes after years of…
Vassar to do nothing about Noyes asbestos problem
Vassar College has announced it will do nothing about the asbestos within the walls of Noyes. The asbestos was discovered when plans were made to renovate the east side bathrooms…
March Sadness: A March Madness update
I like watching basketball, but more than that, I like gambling. March Madness is my time to shine. My family does a March Madness pool every year for the men’s…
[Students] Public Health Notice – Fish Flu
To the Vassar Community, We are writing with a public health notice. As you may know, cases of avian flu (bird flu) have been detected in the United States recently,…
PB to be replaced with big guinea pig
Shock and horror swept the Vassar community this morning as news broke that President Bradley is stepping down from her position and will be replaced by a giant guinea pig. …
Interview with a vampire
Today, I’m sitting down with legendary vampire Count Orlok to talk about his recent transfer to Vassar College! Josie Wenner: Hello, Count Orlok! Thank you for sitting down with me…
Studying like a studious student who studies
Finals season is upon us, and as the weather draws colder, the deadlines draw closer. This is a hard time of year, but you will get through it. Here are…
‘Wicked’ sweeps theaters, floors audiences
I haven’t seen “Wicked.” This is just what I think will happen. “Wicked” is a sweeping and epic story about the love between two friends and lengths one of them…