Caption Contest #1
Follow this link to submit your best caption for this illustration! What are those crazy squirrels up to? Our favorites will be printed in next week’s issue.
Humor & Satire
Amazon to celebrate Prime Day by allowing employees to pee in restrooms
Last Friday, Amazon announced Prime Day would take place from Oct. 6 to 7. The company released a video previewing the event. “Prime Day isn’t just about customer discounts—it’s about…
Investigating Orangegate: The quest for fruit and truth
Dear Deece Fruit Czars, Each morning, I anxiously await the selection of fruit that awaits me in that beautiful middle food station island of the Deece. The array of fruits…
Horoscopes
Aries: Diarrhea Taurus: Diarrhea Gemini: Diarrhea Cancer: Diarrhea Leo: Your words can be a little sharper this month. Prepare for an important conversation, and watch closely at the people who…
Opinion: John Bradley might be a lesbian
Little is known of John Bradley, Vassar’s enigmatic First Gentleman, and questions about his true nature have plagued the student body for years. What is his middle name? What is…
Horoscopes
Aries: You will need more patience with yourself and others this upcoming week. Mars and the Sun are both in peak alignment for you, so I would say to steer…
A completely reliable freshman orientation almanac
If you’re like me, a freshman faced with the sinking reality of adulting, never fear! I have taken the liberty of compiling all the basic beginner college information that may…
Vassar to construct data center under the Sex Tree
The devegetated branches of the Sex Tree, a willow residing on the front lawn of Josselyn House, are a campus monument to surreptitious love affairs, shared marijuana cigarettes and the…