Humor & Satire

Horoscopes—9/13

By Hannah Gaven – 4 months ago

Aries The light of the moonbeam and other ancestral spirits makes it clear to me that ice cream is the only medium that will help you push through this week.…

Interrupting admirer cursed by chiseled god

By Isabella Migani – 4 months ago

We’ve all been there. There’s this gorgeous blue-eyed, blonde-haired classmate in high school that is waaaay out of your league, but you’re still very in love with him anyway. He…

Humor Desk serves up first-year handbook

By Hannah Gaven – 5 months ago

1. Do befriend the ghosts that haunt your room. I suggest investing in a Ouija board to help you start off on a good foot with your extra roommate. I…

Wannabe grad shares future plans

By Hannah Gaven – 8 months ago

Even though I still have three years left in college, I have a bunch of plans after graduation. First, I’m going to drop acid, snort heroin and drink crack because…

This isn’t an article about finals

By Blair Webber – 9 months ago

As the headline for this article suggests, this is not a 700- to 800-word article about finals. It will not mention the massive workloads, nor the panic associated with waking…

Horoscopes– 5/10

By Hannah Gaven – 9 months ago

Aries The stars tell me one of your family members is coming to help you pack. Remember to take the flogger down from its place of honor above your bed…

Chronic weakling transforms into magnificent MMA god

By Abby Knuckles – 9 months ago

I have many admirable qualities, but I can’t count athleticism among them. My ventures into organized sports consisted of a brief stint on my fourth-grade basketball team and an utterly…

Horoscopes– 5/2

By Hannah Gaven – 9 months ago

Aries You may be feeling the need to kiss a frog this week. That’s totally normal! You will have a marvelous adventure with your one true love, eventually attaining your…

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