For your approval: a Vassar student’s resumé

Dear Sir or Madam,

 

I am a current senior at Vassar College and I think that a job in your company would be an important next step for me. I have work experience in both my community and college that would definitely make me an important asset to your company.j585tjg!158 sorry sorry I apologize, my hands are a little tired as this is the 93rd cover letter I’ve written today. They say it’s the economy. It’s totally the economy, right?

My resume is attached for your convenience.

 

Education

Vassar College’13, B.A. concentrations in Muggle Studies, correlate in Facebookology

General Honors (I was the one running around in a morph suit on Founder’s Day)

“It’s So Moist in Here: The Anatomy of a Womp Womp” (Honors Thesis)

“History Now: Exploring Social Media under the Pseudonym Julia Lathrop” (Side Project)

 

University of Madrid: Study Abroad Fall 2012, took classes on cultural immersion and mostly sangria. It was a life changing experience and I chundered everywhere.

 

Employment

Peanut Butter Intern, the Peanut Butter Co, Summer 2012

• Ate an unbelievable amount of peanut butter…like seriously guys, also I never even applied for this internship they just saw me at Vassar and kidnapped me and my family did nothing to stop them.

 

Activities

Say Anything, Frequent Poster

• You remember the one asking about which types of plastic we can recycle? This girl right here. Also the one about trampolines. And one time I trolled it, I think.

 

Official Photographer, My Friends/Fellow Group/Strangers

• Omg, guys, cute. Can you take a picture of all of us? Thaaanks.

 

The Mug, DJ Side Salad

• Y’all know me, 5’3, ready to party, spin sick beats at the Mug on the regular with my Ipod nano, according to my Mspace my beats are zoned and gritty, melty and spacial (so, like a lot of Kanye and Madonna).

 

Computer Skills: MS Office, Excel is super boring, Maybe PowerPoint on a good day. I can edit red-eye out of pictures, and crop out that weird dude that’s always in our pictures for some reason.

 

Languages: English (native), Dolphin (fluent), Spanish (when I go to Mole, Mole)

 

References: Ask my mom; she’ll say nice things about me if I called her this week.

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