The ’14 reasons why Lily Sloss is ‘#killing-it’ at VC

1. People said nobody could do it. Live in the TA’s, TH’s, and the SoCo’s? What am I, a movie star? Or a trust fund kid who can bribe Residential Life (ha ha that never actually happens)? No, I just do not have a convenient group of five and thus have chosen to leap miles of snowy field to live with whichever kind Neuroscience and Classics majors will let me share their fridge.

2. I had a “perfect 10” party and people totally enjoyed it, even though they did not understand the theme. I also showed a slideshow of boys I had dated and people cheered. It may have been the “perfect party.” (Disclaimer: there was free alcohol and judgement was likely impaired).

3. I have continued to wash my laundry approximately twice per quarter semester, and besides enduring the occasional comment that my towels smell like bananas (#excess-moisture-issues), I have yet to be called “the stinker” on campus, at least to my face.

4. I, or someone like me, has had sexual encounters in every academic building on campus.**

5. Despite being a non-athlete (read: I hang out with girls from HYPE who are cooler than both of us combined), I am still constantly invited to athlete parties. It’s as though by spending an excess amount of time at the gym, getting red faced after running on the treadmill for 34 seconds, the athletes think I am “one of them.” Also, by constantly invited, I mean I attended at least one swimmer’s party with Lily Doyle and did not drink because I was feeling insecure (and underage!!!).

6. One time, I threw a prom-themed birthday party for myself and my freshman year roommate and SO MANY PEOPLE attended. We were, admittedly, both student fellows, and freshmen will do anything to feel included… but if you ask anybody (((class of 2015) (fellowee of mine)) (that still acknowledges my hellos))) from Lathrop, it was pretty wild.

7. I have been called a Deece rat every semester that I have attended Vassar, including the three semesters I have not been on a meal plan, and the semester I was abroad and literally only stepped foot on campus for three (Deece-heavy) days.

8. While a tour guide this summer, surrounded by other students who had evenings and weekends free to be #wilingout, I consistently went to bed at 10 p.m. and did an entire half month of P90x. I know, I know, I should stop bragging about my intoxicating social life.

9. I attended a Vassar graduation at least once during my four years here. In addition to sitting alone at the ceremony, I also cried profusely, especially during Senator Gillibrand’s speech. The tears were mainly due to my “allergies,” so don’t anyone pity me.

10. I have eaten dinner at Cappy’s house with other Admission’s folks, eaten free Twisted Soul, and gabbed with Cappy herself about my Super Successful Alumnae Informational Interviews! She was all, “tell me about giving tours,” and I was all, “what ins do you have at BuzzFeed,” and so on and so forth. Life-changing.

11. At not one, but TWO Founder’s Days, I have had (non-drug-induced) panic attacks. I have also given out a lot of hand rubs and “connected” with “friends” from “classes.”. I definitely didn’t remember you the next day, but these are the kinds of moments we will spend the rest of our lives trying to recreate, amirite!?

12. I have had the kind of Facebook traffic that many only dream of. From posting hard-hitting questions like, “How about that lecture, huh?” to statements scrutinizing life, i.e.: “winter break feels longer this year,” I have garnered between 5-1000 hits per day. Some could say, in addition to killing it at Vassar, I am killing it on Facebook. Here’s looking at you, Mr. Zuckerberg. Or, as I actually picture you, Jesse Eisenberg.

13. I am co-heading the Founder’s Day Merchandise Committee this year, and similar to previous years, I have about a 50% attendance rating. Which is a pretty big deal when you are emailing between 10-100 students. I also gathered a lot of feedback on my email style, which is to say my one friend told me that it is “sort of hard” to tell what I am saying because of how many letters are capitalized, bolded and italicized. I have also recently discovered the “color” font key, and it has revolutionized my emails #computer-science-skills #not-even-a-major.

14. In reviewing my BuzzFeed potential list which doubles as a journalism resumé, I realize that while I may not be #killing-it at Vassar College, at least I am not peaking now, and I certainly did not peak in high school, so I’m on the up and up!

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