Maddy knows about the pains of your #DeeceLife

It’s the end of the year, and I ran out of dining bucks like three weeks ago, so my dining options are rather limited to the Deece, Express Lunch or the sole kiwi I’ve had in my fridge for two weeks. In these trying times, I have to be very creative and careful with my meals—eating twice a day in the Deece sounds worse than the Seventh Circle of Hell, but Express Lunch is on a Fig Newton kick, and I’d really rather just starve. So what does a hungry girl with far too many meal swipes do? Below is a live-tweet account of my #MealSwipeFilledLife.

 

11:48 AM. Professor let us out three minutes late—will the mile-long Express Lunch line be worth it?

 

11:52 AM. Line is curving into the Villard room, but I heard a rumor that there are Oreos and French Onion Sun Chips. #worthit

 

12:01 PM. I’m now three people from the front, but they’ve run out of Caesar salads, and now that the hummus sandwiches don’t have tomatoes, I see no point.

 

12:02 PM. But sources looking at my Twitter feed say the Deece is doing chili, and I’d like to avoid food poisoning today.

 

12:03 PM. Does anyone else get cramps from Deece food, or is that just me? #truestory #maybeimglutenintolerant? #notafaddiet

 

12:06 PM. After playing musical chairs with a prospie and his family, I have found a table and the rumors did not lie—Oreos and Sun Chips #thereisagod

 

1:25 PM. I’m hungry again. Is it too much to get another Express Lunch?

 

5:00 PM. One of my three friends asks if I want to get dinner. I strongly consider the kiwi.

 

5:44 PM. Swipe lady is in a great mood. I hope this is a sign of things to come and not her pleasure at our misery.

 

5:45 PM. The pre-rush rush has begun—these are the real #hungergames.

 

5:46 PM. I love the dejected camaraderie of the small side. It’s like we all accept that the Deece is miserable, and even the loud, sunlit big side can’t change that.

 

5:46 PM. Table options are either the greasy high tables or that awkward little one next to the rugby team. I take back that thing about camaraderie.

 

5:50 PM. As I stand in line for mac & cheese, I ponder the greater things in life—like whether or not finals stress really burns calories.

 

5:51 PM. Not so fun fact: it doesn’t. #dailydoseofreality

 

5:57 PM. Does it still count as a salad if it’s drowned in ranch? Does this lettuce and tomatoes even qualify as a salad anyway?

 

6:01 PM. Friend’s choices of pizza and potato salad make me feel better about my mac & cheese and ranch-salad. That’s healthy, right? #notafreshman15?

 

6:03 PM. Oh shit. It’s the gross mac & cheese… I dream of Retreat-za and made-to-order veggie burgers…

 

6:16 PM. Round two yields no results, and I’m left with the usual hungry feeling mixed with stomach cramps and crippling hopelessness.

 

6:18 PM. Constantly reminding myself that next year I will make my own food is the only thing getting me through this meal.

 

6:23 PM. How much nutritional value was in what I just ate? Was it $13 of calories? #doubtit

 

6:30 PM. I’ve perfected the art of cookie smuggling—four cookies maximum, two napkins, you’re golden.

 

9:46 PM. Considering making a Bacio’s run for second dinner, but I guess I’ll just eat that kiwi instead.

 

Follow @madsvogel to learn more about kiwis and her #MealSwipeFilledLife

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