The Misc Guide to: staying friends with soon-to-be alums

Convocation was yesterday, and tonight, at 7:13 p.m., I will be ringing the bell on top of Main, symbolizing my transition from a lowly Deece Jell-O-addicted junior to a senior who will have to write a thesis and possibly resort to snorting coffee grounds every morning. I’m freaking the fuck out. But before I can even worry about what Vassar has in store for my final year, final papers and a couple of days of classes still await. Oh, and there are only 24 days left until Commencement. Now, I’m sure that upon seeing this, all of you seniors out there who read the Humor section (Hi, Lily’s friends!) are probably collectively screaming and cursing my name. How dare I casually throw around words like “Commencement” and “adulthood” or “Jell-O!”

I know, I know, I’m not graduating yet, so why am I dreadfully counting down the days? Why am I growing physically ill? (Serious question: Who gets sick the week leading up to Founder’s Day? Who?)

I guess it just saddens me that in 24 days, I will have to say goodbye to several friends (Lily) who have significantly impacted my junior year, and I am going to miss them (Lily). I’ve never been good at saying goodbyes, especially in person. I usually rely on some cheap phrase like “See ya later,” which is particularly awkward when used with a host family in Turkey who you will not, in fact, ever see again. So I’ve been moping around these last few weeks, trying to figure out how to say farewell to a group of people (Lily) I hold close to my heart, but I realized what’s really important, and in a lot of ways more important, is making the most of these next 24 days. So, I give you four tips on how to enjoy the remaining time you have left with your senior friends (but mostly Lily).

 

1. Deece Meals:

We all grow to hate the Deece, but even at its worst, seniors will rarely ever turn down a free meal. They’re like freshmen in that way. Say what you will, but I’ve made a lot of great memories there. Swiping in a good friend and conversing for a few hours has definitely become my favorite form of procrastination. Whether you’re laughing about the semen-like quality of the Deece’s many, many sauces or relating over shared fears, concerns or awful memories from high school, take a couple of hours out of your week to knock back a piping-hot mug of Café Kilimanjaro. If anything, you’ll bond over how hungry you are 20 minutes later.

 

2. Texting Buddies:

Stressed about life and your non-senior problems? Odds are, so are seniors who have to worry about graduating, finding a place to live and finding a job that doesn’t make them want to swan dive off the Empire State Building. So, maybe just be a good pal and check in on them every once in a while via text or Facebook. All of my friendships are about 83 percent online or through text and 15 percent actual in-person interactions (the other two percent take place in my heart <3). Also, if you don’t want your senior to friend to run off and forget about you entirely, texting is like a gentle nudge that says, “Hey, I still exist.” Note: If they stop responding to your messages or change their number, you’re creepy and maybe you should stop reading this list. Also, texting them a countdown to graduation is evil and should be avoided at all cost, though I admire your spunk.

 

3. Be the Sloppy One:

Keeping in line with trying to stick out in their fading memories of collegiate life, if a senior friend is hosting a party, not only should you show up, but you should also be plastered. I’m talking speaking-in-Russian-when-you-never-studied-it levels of drunk. Why? Well, someone has to be the sloppy drunk, so it might as well be you. Don’t get sloshed to the point of not remembering leaving the party, but definitely drink to the point of questioning what you talked about with people, forgetting that you puked on the TH path. If you don’t remember ordering Domino’s cheesy bread at the end of the night, but do remember enjoying its cheesy goodness drenched with Sriracha (thanks, Lily!), then you did it right. Be sloppy not for yourself, but for the greater good. And the cheesy bread.

 

4. Understand that Goodbye doesn’t mean Forever:

This is for me. I kinda forget that sometimes “See ya later” actually means “See ya later.”

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