‘I’m sorry, I <3 you:’ terrified senior emails thesis advisor

Good morning, Professor,

It’s a beautiful day today, isn’t it? Well, I mean, if you consider snow beautiful, which I do. I mean, don’t we all? Ha. So, yeah, about that chapter draft. Of course I’m going to get it to you! No worries on that front. Everything is so peachy-keen I’m basically experiencing spikes in my blood sugar. You’ll get it by the end of the week, I swear.

And, just to be clear (though I’m sure this doesn’t even need to be said), I wasn’t avoiding you over winter break. Ha. So silly. Why would I do that? No reason, none at all. Which is why I didn’t. The Internet was broken and I couldn’t access the Moodle or my email thingy. My mother was in the hospital like every day for three weeks. I mean, she’s a nurse so that’s kind of her job. Ha. All is well.

Stay warm!

 

Good evening, Professor

Hope you’re well!

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t be well or anything. I want you healthy. I mean, I don’t know your health, I don’t know your life. But I want to.

So: that chapter draft. It’s coming along. I think. Just wanted to let you know in case you thought you weren’t going to hear from me.

Oh, if you see this email after you get the next one, just discard it. Don’t even worry about it. So silly.

 

Hello again, Professor,

The draft was due yesterday? Oh, wow. That’s so so strange. I could have swore it wasn’t due until tomorrow. How funny? Isn’t that just so funny? Um. Yeah.

I’ll turn it in tomorrow for sure! That’s okay,  right? I mean, that’s the day we agreed upon, I thought. So we’ll go with that.

Will this snow ever melt?

 

Professor,

I know it seems a little, well, how can I put this—odd—that I would react to bumping into you by doing a roll from the second floor of the College Center down into the Retreat. That kid sure was mad I ruined his Chili Wednesday. Of course that had nothing to do with you or the fact that I was seven hours late handing in my chapter draft. But, hey, if it’s any consolation, I got a jump start on the next chapter! I’m sure you’ll love it—I’m using your book as my main source of theory.

So, let’s do coffee, huh?

 

Prof,

Wow, OK. Went a little hard there with the comments, don’t you think?

 

Professor,

Please forgive me. That previous email was not meant to be sent. I am so sorry.

 

Professor,

What do you mean when you say I needed to do more preliminary research? Was that a suggestion or a demand? I’m not being lazy. I’ll do what needs to be done, but come on, it was totally a suggestion, right?

 

Professor,

Your book is basically my thesis. Your book. My thesis. I literally have nothing else to say about this topic that you haven’t already said. Further, what’s the point of an undergraduate thesis when there are dissertations written on the same subject; they make our little theses look like popcorn shrimp in a bucket floating next to a giant squid. Who happens to be taking steroids. And doing lifts.

 

Professor,

Look.

I get it.

I suck.

You hate me.

Why did I decide to do this?

I suck. You hate me. I get it.

Ha. Ha. Sob.

 

Professor,

I are thesis.

 

Hello, Professor,

Hope you’re well. Would you like to meet sometime this week in the Retreat for coffee. I could really use some help going through your most recent edits of my chapter draft.

 

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