#TBT: 5 rejected Mug Night themes Vassar should instate

  1. Preschool Mug Night

Although college students doused in Crystal Palace vodka are already at the capacity of three- and four-year-olds, other logistical factors kept this idea from graduating to the planning stage. Mug committee members attacked the lack of party music and need for frequent snacks and bathroom breaks as illogical, but I disagree. A trap remix of “The Itsy-Bitsy Spider,” or a slow grind to “I’m a Little Teapot” would serve as a fascinating bridge between the cultural divide of college and pre-school. Further, the cleansing crying, timeouts for disorderly conduct and mandatory sharing of Lincoln Logs are a great unifying exercise! Plus, there would never be judgement for taking a quick nap on the side of the dance floor, or eating some graham crackers at the Retreat.

 

  1. Live Anaconda Mug Night:

The idea of releasing anacondas into a dark room filled with hopeful students expecting a live performance of the Nicki Minaj hit seems mean. But does it have to be? Though anacondas can grow to be 30 feet long, they do not actually have poisonous fangs and tend to constrict their prey. This means that anacondas really just want to give hugs! Additionally, the Biology Department was in full support, hoping to knock off some reptilian behavior research and rip some cheap vodka in one evening. I know what you are all thinking: Will the snakes be able to handle the 90 degree-100 percent humidity-from-sweat environment? Well, actually, since they are native to the Amazon, our trashy tropical atmosphere in the Mug would be perfect for them. Also, everyone knows that they would be the best at the worm.

 

  1. Get Mugged Night

Get Mugged Night was not a Mug night that was suggested, but rather a night that came out of nowhere. One “innocent” evening of sloppy dancing turned criminal when various people had their V-cards wrested from their pockets, later finding that hundreds of dollars of Bacio’s and Choco Tacos had been purchased by the intoxicated masterminds. The victims described the thieves as: “Sweaty, not wearing a lot of clothes, and lacking intelligible facial features.” Basically, these descriptions matched literally everyone who has ever been in the Mug, and justice was never reached. Sounds like it should never happen again, right? Wrong. I believe if we combined this Mug Night with [In the Pink]’s self defense classes, it would work. It could initiate a drunken form of cops and robbers all across campus. The best part would be the new friends you got to make when you received your V-card back in time for a hungover Deece trip.

 

  1. Mug Night at the Loeb.

Drunk students + art gallery = no fucking way this is ever happening, right? Nobody wants Natty Light spilled on our lovely mummy Merymose’s head, and it would certainly be a disgrace to get EMSed in front of portrait Matthew Vassar’s austere gaze, but does mixing art and alcohol have to be a debacle? After all, the Romans had this kind of party all the time, and there was a period in Chinese art history where drinking wine and then painting was considered insightful. If we turned the music down, kept the lights set above the usual I-can’t-see-if-that-is-a-human-or-an-alien-thing-dancing-in-front-of-me Mug setting, it could be an enlightening night. The compartmental nature of the Loeb creates numerous microenvironments for a party. Discuss Netherlandish landscapes with your friends in one room, jam with Jesus in another.

 

  1. Ugg Night

Pitched as a comfortable spin off of Middle School Mug Night, Ugg Night was rejected because the smell would be unbearable. Only if the Mug were 40-50 degrees cooler would wearing Uggs be acceptable—the potential for foot fungus spread is so high. Despite the strong negative response to this Mug Night, I really believe it could work if we think outside the Mug. Can a Mug Night happen on the Retreat terrace? If so, then Uggs are the perfect shoe choice to keep warm on a frigid dance floor. One thing we would have to make sure to avoid is stigmata towards people with “fake Uggs” or “Fuggs.” Vassar needs to remain open-minded to all kinds of fuzz-filled boots, and hosting a “no judgement” Ugg Night would be an excellent way to put our best foot forward in 2015. After all, we all deserve to get a little bit Uggly at the Mug.

 

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