Misc-adventurous Maddy livetweets #JobSearch2k15

While half my brain is still living in denial that I am graduating in 60-some days, thanks to my parents’…encouragement (read: nagging) and my overwhelming sense of guilt and fear, I have indeed delved into my job search project. I have a well-organized spreadsheet of the 26-plus jobs I’ve applied for and while it has far less “interview!” checkmarks than I had hoped by this point in the year, it does make me look smart and responsible. I show this to my family members when they ask me about the process and it calms their raging anxiety. The truth, unfortunately, is far less pretty.

 

January 1, 2015

12:33 p.m.: Google search: how to make a resume.

12:47 p.m.: Google search: how to write a cover letter.

12:58 p.m.: Google search: how to join the circus.

 

February 9, 2015

6:44 p.m.: Is it too late to get a job? Have I missed the boat? Everyone in the Econ Dept. has a job and I sit here, jobless, alone, and reconsidering every choice I made in life.

6:59 p.m.: Life crisis: over. Job search: beginning (again).

 

February 9-12. 2015

Dear HR Personnel, why do entry-level positions require experience? Aren’t you supposed to give me experience? #conspiracy

 

February 13, 2015

4:23 p.m.: I applied for my first job, time for a three-hour nap and a quarter-life crisis.

5:34 p.m.: Wakes up from nap in a cold sweat. Vows to never apply to another job again.

5:37 p.m.: Resume reads: “hostess 2 yrs, waitress 1 yr, barista 2 yrs, cashier 1 yr. Buzzfeed plz hire me, I’ll make you coffee.”

 

February 25. 2015

2:00 a.m.: Google search: rooms in Brooklyn.

9:30 a.m.: First job rejection, unbookmarks apartments in Brooklyn. :’(

9:32 a.m.: Yes, thank you, a job rejection was exactly how I wanted to start my day, thank you, random marketing agency in Soho, thank you.

 

February 26, 2015

9:45 a.m.: Am I binge watching “Dance Moms” and forgetting about my problems? Maybe. But my problems seem so small when Abby Lee is yelling at 12 year olds.

2:03 p.m.: “@abby_lee_miller do you need a social media specialist for the ALDC?”

 

February 29, 2015

3:45 p.m.: Hypothesis: If I buy interview attire I’ll get an interview.

5:21 p.m.: Hello self-hatred, my old friend… *crying emoji*

 

March 14, 2015

3:20 p.m.: Who needs spring break when there’s indeed.com?

4:02 p.m.: Google search: are cover letters really supposed to be this boring?

6:34 p.m.: Today, I watched all of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.” I did not write a single cover letter. #hashbrownaccomplished

 

March 20, 2015

8:46 p.m.: Eat, sleep, breathe, apply to jobs I have no hope of getting, cry about lost hopes and dreams.

 

March 24, 2015

11:11 a.m.: Some people spend their break in Florida or Panama, I spend mine on VCLink #thanksCDO

12:14 p.m.: Wow this job looks great and perfect for me and—*3-5 years experience necessary*—jksies, early April Fools!

 

March 26, 2015

10:30 a.m.: “Why do you want to work for us?” Because you’re hiring.

10:35 a.m.: “What can you bring to this position?” My sparkling personality and paralyzing self-doubt.

11:00 a.m.: “Thank you for submitting your application. We will get back to you as soon as possible if you are a match.” I won’t hold my breath.

 

At some later, unknown, possibly nonexistent date I will get a job but I will not post about it on social media seeking compliments because I’m not a dick.

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