Pizza truly is a jack of all trades, or at least, of all price ranges. From the high-end brick-oven masterpiece to the lowly cardboard-packaged late-night delight, this Italian treat never fails to satisfy. But as summer rolls around and campus dining takes a spectacular dive into the world of left-overs, many may be turning to that familiar Bacio’s menu more frequently. Traditional pizza toppings just no longer suffice. Sure, a slice of pepperoni and bacon might be alright. Olives and Onions? Fine.* But what promises to truly whet the appetite? What topping will leave an unsuspecting hungry student amazed, shocked, perhaps even completely revolted? Enter, the pineapple.
I know what you are thinking. Pineapple? Like on a Hawaiian pizza? How is that original? Just toss on some sliced ham and you are ready to go. ‘WRONG’ I scream over my tired keyboard. Forget the pig. Imagine a reality in which your beloved pie features only the juices of this ripe tropical fruit. As John Lennon wrote** it is easy if you try. You are swaying in a hammock resting just feet above white sands. The ocean breeze lightly brushes your hair and you can see coconuts hanging above you. Dolphins are surfacing not far from the shore. Your crush offers you a slice of this cheesy treasure and you happily accept.
Ok so maybe this paradise lasts only for a few brief moments before the crushing reality of moodle posts and 100% humidity find their way back to you. Even so, pineapple pizza is a remedy that people should really try. Its textural diversity is key. A meal that is composed entirely of soft bites or hard crunches feels too much like a foray into the rotten and stale, respectively. Pineapple pizza has a slew of textures, from the smooth sauce to the juicy fruit, to the tough crunch of the crust. Even Guy Fieri, the spiky-haired gremlin himself, would commend pineapple pizza on its pleasing ‘mouth-feel’. Flavor-wise it offers far more than your typical slice. Who doesn’t like mixing sweet with savory? Boring people and demons, probably.
But of course, I know there are many out there who still protest. If it were up to them, they would toss slices of ham across our creation like a farmer tossing feed to chickens. But we are not chickens. We deserve better.
Forgoing the meat allows scores more people access to our perfect pie and honestly, what is pizza about if not sharing? Not only is pineapple a great vegetarian alternative to meat, it also is far less offensive that olives or anchovies. When has someone ever complained about bad breath from fruit? I don’t know but if the answer is yes, you are probably doing something wrong. Also, a note about everyone’s favorite Hawaiian variety. It is not actually from Hawaii. Hawaiian pizza is a Canadian invention. An imposter. I am sorry to say you were duped. Except that I am not sorry at all. But don’t worry, if you write a couple moodle posts for me, I am sure we can find a hammock on the beach for you too.
*Just kidding it is super gross.
** This was not about pineapple pizza.
1 refrigerated baked pizza dough (“12- inch”)
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 cup pizza sauce
1(20 ounce) can pineapple tidbits, well drained
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
1 cup shredded provolone cheese
Brush pizza crust with olive oil, and spread pizza sauce evenly over crust.
Top sauce evenly with pineapple; sprinkle with cheeses.
Bake at 425 degrees for 10 minutes or until cheese melts and crust is lightly browned.
Recipe Courtesy of Food.com