Tired pizza toppings? Pineapple pulls flavors into Pacific

courtesy of SweetOmVeg via flickr
courtesy of SweetOmVeg via flickr
courtesy of SweetOmVeg via flickr

Pizza truly is a jack of all trades, or at least, of all price ranges. From the high-end brick-oven masterpiece to the lowly card­board-packaged late-night delight, this Italian treat never fails to satisfy. But as summer rolls around and campus dining takes a spectacular dive into the world of left-overs, many may be turning to that familiar Bacio’s menu more fre­quently. Traditional pizza toppings just no lon­ger suffice. Sure, a slice of pepperoni and bacon might be alright. Olives and Onions? Fine.* But what promises to truly whet the appetite? What topping will leave an unsuspecting hungry stu­dent amazed, shocked, perhaps even complete­ly revolted? Enter, the pineapple.

I know what you are thinking. Pineapple? Like on a Hawaiian pizza? How is that origi­nal? Just toss on some sliced ham and you are ready to go. ‘WRONG’ I scream over my tired keyboard. Forget the pig. Imagine a reality in which your beloved pie features only the juic­es of this ripe tropical fruit. As John Lennon wrote** it is easy if you try. You are swaying in a hammock resting just feet above white sands. The ocean breeze lightly brushes your hair and you can see coconuts hanging above you. Dol­phins are surfacing not far from the shore. Your crush offers you a slice of this cheesy treasure and you happily accept.

Ok so maybe this paradise lasts only for a few brief moments before the crushing real­ity of moodle posts and 100% humidity find their way back to you. Even so, pineapple piz­za is a remedy that people should really try. Its textural diversity is key. A meal that is com­posed entirely of soft bites or hard crunches feels too much like a foray into the rotten and stale, respectively. Pineapple pizza has a slew of textures, from the smooth sauce to the juicy fruit, to the tough crunch of the crust. Even Guy Fieri, the spiky-haired gremlin himself, would commend pineapple pizza on its pleas­ing ‘mouth-feel’. Flavor-wise it offers far more than your typical slice. Who doesn’t like mixing sweet with savory? Boring people and demons, probably.

But of course, I know there are many out there who still protest. If it were up to them, they would toss slices of ham across our cre­ation like a farmer tossing feed to chickens. But we are not chickens. We deserve better.

Forgoing the meat allows scores more people access to our perfect pie and honestly, what is pizza about if not sharing? Not only is pineap­ple a great vegetarian alternative to meat, it also is far less offensive that olives or anchovies. When has someone ever complained about bad breath from fruit? I don’t know but if the an­swer is yes, you are probably doing something wrong. Also, a note about everyone’s favorite Hawaiian variety. It is not actually from Hawaii. Hawaiian pizza is a Canadian invention. An im­poster. I am sorry to say you were duped. Ex­cept that I am not sorry at all. But don’t worry, if you write a couple moodle posts for me, I am sure we can find a hammock on the beach for you too.

*Just kidding it is super gross.

** This was not about pineapple pizza.

The Recipe

INGREDIENTS

1 refrigerated baked pizza dough (“12- inch”)

2 teaspoons olive oil

1 cup pizza sauce

1(20 ounce) can pineapple tidbits, well drained

1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

1 cup shredded provolone cheese

DIRECTIONS

Brush pizza crust with olive oil, and spread pizza sauce evenly over crust.

Top sauce evenly with pineapple; sprinkle with cheeses.

Bake at 425 degrees for 10 minutes or until cheese melts and crust is lightly browned.

Recipe Courtesy of Food.com

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