From the assassination of JFK, to the construction of Stonehenge, to the invention of whatever Furbies are, the world has always been filled with mysteries. Until I came to Vassar, however, I did not realize one such enigma was my dorm, Strong House.
During the time of the year when freshmen try to catch friends like Pokémon (known in the common tongue as Orientation), I was often asked the holy trinity of conversation starters: What’s your name? Where are you from? And, what dorm do you live in? When it came to what dorm I live in, the reaction was always the same, “OH, what’s that like? Did you choose to live there?” Since this mystery seems to boggle the minds of multiple people on campus, I’ve decided to give you all the inside scoop.
First of all, one does not simply choose to live in Strong House. Strong House chooses you. We all know that preference for all-female housing is included on the ResLife application form, but in reality that is a small factor in the selection process. Instead, Luis Inoa leaves it up to the Magical Sorting Tampon. Cousin to the Sorting Hat of Hogwarts, the Sorting Tampon is waved over the ResLife housing applications of female-identified students and sorts into Strong those who display qualities of intense feminism, a strong will and a love of cats.
At this point, you might be thinking that it sounds like the women of Strong House aren’t so much assigned a dorm as initiated into a coven. And you would be correct. This is where I would like to dispel certain rumors, though. Women in Strong aren’t put off by guys. In fact, we encourage men to visit! First, it is indeed possible for women to live together and still know how to interact with men. But also, men are welcome because we need talismans for our ritual offerings! After all, the funds for study breaks always tend to be a little bit small.
Every full moon, the women of Strong use our study break to go to Sunset Lake and perform what some would call witchcraft. While making a potion from the locks of a man bun, a bro’s snapback and a drop of the blood of the patriarchy, we dance to Beyoncé and T-Swift.
What does this accomplish, you ask? Well, I’d like to think this magic is partially what keeps Cappy so young and vibrant. But mostly, this ritual is what keeps the ladies of Strong so cool and badass which is a good thing, because we need to be badass enough to be able to deal with frequent, foolish questions about our kickass dorm.