‘Harrison,’ the next ‘Hamilton’

Step aside, “Hamilton;” there’s a new musical chronicling the presidency of another American patriot! No, not any Founding Fathers. Not ringing any bells? Don’t worry, the American ed­ucation system didn’t completely fail you. Most people don’t remember him, as he died immediately upon entering office. This March, the musical nobody wanted, “Harrison” opened in an alley off Times Square! Starring Nick Cage!

Truthfully, I was planning on re­viewing “Hamilton,” but I misheard the guy I scalped tickets from and ended up behind the Lego Store. As I write, I am sitting next to a dumpster, watching this god-forsaken musical. For, despite William Henry Harrison’s comically short presidency, the show is soo long.

For 19 days I have watched Nick Cage try to beatbox and rap about a president he clearly knows nothing about. I’m currently watching the sec­tion of the musical chronicling Harri­son’s illness, and Cage has been laying in a bed, silent, for a while now. The next time he falls asleep onstage, I plan to make my escape. As for “Harrison the Musical,” I give it zero stars, but I hear the film version has already been nominated for an Oscar.

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