To many Vassar students, the Mug is a great equalizer: all boundaries of class, race and dignity fade away when you are crammed into a lightless cavern like drunken sardines, bopping violently to some Bard band with a name like “Duck Zodiac.” So it is no wonder that rumors of the Mug closing before midnight have sent enthusiasts into a frenzy. “It may sound like a torturous hellscape if you haven’t been inside it,” said freshman Frieda Flagon, one of the leaders of the current Mug vigil, “but once you give it a try, you’ll realize it’s actually a torturous hellscape with great odds of hooking up!”
The vigil began with Mug defenders sitting outside its entrance, quietly chanting Nicki Minaj raps and holding liquor-filled mugs with votive candles floating in them. When security deemed the mix of ethanol and flame a fire hazard, protesters became creative, chaining themselves to the Mug door hippie-style or tearfully accosting Main residents in the elevator, asking if they knew how lucky they were to live in the same building as “the best club north of Mamaroneck.” One Main junior lamented “I just want them to leave me alone, I should have stayed in Raymond!”
Remaining realistic about prospects for saving the Mug, vigil participants have begun searching for potential new club locations and titles, including the library basement (Dewey Decimal After Dark). At press time, protesters had swarmed the Old Bookstore, cranked the UpC music up to deafening levels, and begun raging on top of those lurid orange foam things, ignoring criticism such as “it’s Tuesday night!” or “do that in the CIS office and not on my essay!”