Humor writer cops out with create your own “Matt” Libs

Wow, that was a/an (adjective) dream. I was eating (food item) with (famous Vassar alumna/alumnus) in (building on cam­pus). Was it a dream, or a vision of my future? Ugh, sunlight. Mine own eyes suff’r below the cruel, (Shakespearean adjective) star in the heavens. What time is it? Let me have a look at my (time telling device) … OH (naughty words)! It’s (time) and I slept through class! I’ll have to send Professor (name) an (apology email/edible arrangement) in order to make up for this. Well, I guess I better remove myself from this (furniture item) and get myself together. I need to (bathroom activity), and the best place to do that is the bathroom. Oh look! It’s (name of best friend/mortal enemy)! I always run into that person in the bathroom.

I’m (adverb) hungry. Let’s see what they have at (dining establishment). I need to use some of my (meal swipes/dining bucks/VCash/real people money). After that, I’ll head to my next class. The great thing about a liberal arts education is that it covers so much territory. Professor (name) has big plans for today’s class. We’re going to discuss and debate the nature of (abstract concept), do a lab experiment focused on (incomprehensible science thing), practice communicating in (lan­guage) and then study a piece by (artist/author/composer/filmmaker/playwright)! It’s almost as if my professor is keeping the focus of our class super broad and vague so that a Mad Lib about it can apply to any student!

Now, I’m meeting with some (friends/mortal enemies) for dinner. We’ll probably get into some (adjective) debates about politics and entertain­ment. (Friend 1/Mortal Enemy 1) thinks (presi­dential candidate or world-famous rapper) would make a great president, because they know exact­ly what’s best for our country and they won’t take money from the big banks because they’re not a gold digger. (Friend 2/Mortal Enemy 2) disagrees, and somehow changes the discussion to a violent squabble over which season of (TV show) is the best. “It’s totally (season number)!” says (Friend 1/Mortal Enemy 1). “Because (character) shows a lot of development in that one!”

Now it’s time for org meetings. Agendas and finances, dialoging and planning; heck (yeah/no)! The meeting begins with check-ins, during which I boldly proclaim, “My day has been (adjective). (Specific person) told me that my (article of cloth­ing/personality flaw) was (adjective). Other than that, nothing much to say. Glad to be here.” Per­sonally, I (verb indicating feeling) org meetings because we do a lot of (verb ending in -ing). I hope that someday I will be elected as the (offi­cer position). Holding an officer position would look good on my resume so that I will be better equipped for the future or, as I call it, the ultimate game of Mad Libs.

Everything beyond (graduation/this week) is completely uncertain, like a blank waiting to be filled. I don’t know if I’ll live in (location 1) or (lo­cation 2), and I don’t know if I’ll work as a (career 1) or a (career 2), or just roam the world in search of sustenance like a nomadic gazelle. However, it’s (day of week) night, which means it’s time to tuck away that existential dread and party!

On this particular night, the party I’m at con­sists of myself and (number between 0 and 2,450) people in the TH’s, consuming (arguably addic­tive substance). Within (number that is equal to 5 x 1 minutes), I decide that the party is lame and I skedaddle. (That’s right, you don’t get to choose that verb. It’s skedaddle.) I (verb) aimlessly back to main campus along the TH path, which is lit­tered with (noun), (noun) and (name). Sudden­ly, an idea arises. The library is the (superlative adjective) building on campus, so why not pay it a visit right now? And so, with (friends or lack thereof), I proceed to enter the not-24-hour sec­tion of the library through (secret entrance that nobody knows about). Here I am! Yep, it’s the li­brary, except at night! Isn’t this (adjective)?

Suddenly, WOOWOOWOO! The alarm (verbs)! One thing leads to another, and then ev­eryone at Vassar College knows of my shenani­gans. (Deity of choice/authority figure/Cappy) will never see me the same way again. My (family member) will get a phone call, but that’s the least of my worries. The world will know my shame.

All in a day’s work.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Miscellany News reserves the right to publish or not publish any comment submitted for approval on our website. Factors that could cause a comment to be rejected include, but are not limited to, personal attacks, inappropriate language, statements or points unrelated to the article, and unfounded or baseless claims. Additionally, The Misc reserves the right to reject any comment that exceeds 250 words in length. There is no guarantee that a comment will be published, and one week after the article’s release, it is less likely that your comment will be accepted. Any questions or concerns regarding our comments section can be directed to Misc@vassar.edu.