Humor writer cops out with create your own “Matt” Libs

Wow, that was a/an (adjective) dream. I was eating (food item) with (famous Vassar alumna/alumnus) in (building on cam­pus). Was it a dream, or a vision of my future? Ugh, sunlight. Mine own eyes suff’r below the cruel, (Shakespearean adjective) star in the heavens. What time is it? Let me have a look at my (time telling device) … OH (naughty words)! It’s (time) and I slept through class! I’ll have to send Professor (name) an (apology email/edible arrangement) in order to make up for this. Well, I guess I better remove myself from this (furniture item) and get myself together. I need to (bathroom activity), and the best place to do that is the bathroom. Oh look! It’s (name of best friend/mortal enemy)! I always run into that person in the bathroom.

I’m (adverb) hungry. Let’s see what they have at (dining establishment). I need to use some of my (meal swipes/dining bucks/VCash/real people money). After that, I’ll head to my next class. The great thing about a liberal arts education is that it covers so much territory. Professor (name) has big plans for today’s class. We’re going to discuss and debate the nature of (abstract concept), do a lab experiment focused on (incomprehensible science thing), practice communicating in (lan­guage) and then study a piece by (artist/author/composer/filmmaker/playwright)! It’s almost as if my professor is keeping the focus of our class super broad and vague so that a Mad Lib about it can apply to any student!

Now, I’m meeting with some (friends/mortal enemies) for dinner. We’ll probably get into some (adjective) debates about politics and entertain­ment. (Friend 1/Mortal Enemy 1) thinks (presi­dential candidate or world-famous rapper) would make a great president, because they know exact­ly what’s best for our country and they won’t take money from the big banks because they’re not a gold digger. (Friend 2/Mortal Enemy 2) disagrees, and somehow changes the discussion to a violent squabble over which season of (TV show) is the best. “It’s totally (season number)!” says (Friend 1/Mortal Enemy 1). “Because (character) shows a lot of development in that one!”

Now it’s time for org meetings. Agendas and finances, dialoging and planning; heck (yeah/no)! The meeting begins with check-ins, during which I boldly proclaim, “My day has been (adjective). (Specific person) told me that my (article of cloth­ing/personality flaw) was (adjective). Other than that, nothing much to say. Glad to be here.” Per­sonally, I (verb indicating feeling) org meetings because we do a lot of (verb ending in -ing). I hope that someday I will be elected as the (offi­cer position). Holding an officer position would look good on my resume so that I will be better equipped for the future or, as I call it, the ultimate game of Mad Libs.

Everything beyond (graduation/this week) is completely uncertain, like a blank waiting to be filled. I don’t know if I’ll live in (location 1) or (lo­cation 2), and I don’t know if I’ll work as a (career 1) or a (career 2), or just roam the world in search of sustenance like a nomadic gazelle. However, it’s (day of week) night, which means it’s time to tuck away that existential dread and party!

On this particular night, the party I’m at con­sists of myself and (number between 0 and 2,450) people in the TH’s, consuming (arguably addic­tive substance). Within (number that is equal to 5 x 1 minutes), I decide that the party is lame and I skedaddle. (That’s right, you don’t get to choose that verb. It’s skedaddle.) I (verb) aimlessly back to main campus along the TH path, which is lit­tered with (noun), (noun) and (name). Sudden­ly, an idea arises. The library is the (superlative adjective) building on campus, so why not pay it a visit right now? And so, with (friends or lack thereof), I proceed to enter the not-24-hour sec­tion of the library through (secret entrance that nobody knows about). Here I am! Yep, it’s the li­brary, except at night! Isn’t this (adjective)?

Suddenly, WOOWOOWOO! The alarm (verbs)! One thing leads to another, and then ev­eryone at Vassar College knows of my shenani­gans. (Deity of choice/authority figure/Cappy) will never see me the same way again. My (family member) will get a phone call, but that’s the least of my worries. The world will know my shame.

All in a day’s work.

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