Student uses newspaper to search for friends in 2016

Friend seeking friend with an on-campus pet

Animal lover with a big heart. I’ve really been missing my pets at home lately. Most­ly I just want to find a person to kind of hang around with as I play with their pet. Anything with fur is okay, preferably a rabbit or a ferret. Hamsters are fine, and rats are kind of push­ing it. If you have access to a dog, contact me ASAP. Fish owners need not apply.

Friend seeking friend with a car

I need someone to bug about rides when I don’t feel like the bus and I don’t want to spend money on a taxi. Would be expected to drive me to the train station, the mall, Stop & Shop and maybe the airport. Pick ups at the end of breaks would be a plus. I may also request help moving my stuff at the end of the year, as well as storing it in your house. As for time commit­ment, we would also need to go on a few oblig­atory Deece dates, just to keep up the illusion that we actually like each other so I don’t feel so badly about my blatant exploitation. Chauf­feur uniform provided upon request.

Friend seeking friend to go to the Deece with

I mean, I don’t MIND deecing alone. It’s fine. I can DO it. Just sometimes I don’t want to. I’ve run out of good podcasts and sometimes I can’t find a place to sit without asking a group of friends if I can sit at the end of their table, and it just makes me a bit anxious sometimes. I have a lot of extra meal swipes! Applicants with stir fry experience preferred.

Friend seeking friend with food

I’m hungry and a little clingy, but fun to hang out with. Care packages from home are always good, especially ones that include baked goods. I’m constantly forgetting my V-Card, so swip­ing for me in the Deece and Retreat will hap­pen on the reg. I’ll always promise to pay you back, but it’ll never really happen, and what’s a few bucks amongst friends, anyway? I’ll also take care of any of your leftovers.

Friend seeking friend to watch “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” with

So it just seems like a really good movie? And you know, since it’s about friends and stuff, I don’t really want to watch it alone. All of my friends have already seen it, so I just kind of want a viewing buddy. I have a projector and everything. Will provide snacks and drinks.

Friend seeking friend to help befriend an­other friend

I just want them to think I’m cool. But I don’t really know how to approach them. So help on that front would be appreciated. A lot. I need someone to help me come up with ideas of things to do. And if we do the things, then of course you can come, too! Maybe we can all be friends together! That would be nice. I just need an extra push to help me to reach out.

Friend seeking friend with a house near campus

I really need a cheap place to crash during breaks. I live kind of far away and don’t real­ly enjoy going home that often, but campus during breaks is so boring. The ideal situation would be a drive to and from the house and room and board provided. I’m not fussy and I don’t need anyone to entertain me. I would stay out of the way and just watch Netflix the whole time. We could even hang out a bit when we’re back on campus, but that seems a little unnecessary.

Friend seeking womp womp

I just really want to be friends with a womp womp. Mostly it’s the prestige. They’re practi­cally campus celebrities! But also, they’re just so cute and chubby. They seem pretty chill, like I’ve never heard about any womp womp drama on campus. It might be a little tough to work around their hibernation schedule, but with any luck, it’ll mostly line up with winter break. I’m totally down with any scampering, wad­dling or just chilling and eating food. If anyone has any connections, hmu!

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