In time for finals, check out these places to cry at Vassar

Do you like winter because it means everyone is as sad as you are year-round? Are you stressed out about finals? Cuffing season not going as you’d planned?

If crying sessions on your bed aren’t cutting it anymore, we’re here for you! Carefully curated with your best interests at heart, here are some of the best places on campus to just let it all out.

The Small Side of the Deece – You can convince yourself that you’re getting more privacy because it’s the small side, but really we all know there’s something extremely satisfying about the public spectacle of a Deece Cry. Let yourself have that moment.

Rose Parlor Bathroom – Even though the couch is gone, it’s still perfect for a dramatic Snapchat Story. Enjoy the tasteful wallpaper and go for that mirror selfie. Bonus points if you’re hiding from a Villard Room event.

The Pool – If you’re struggling to get the tears out, making the trek to Walker and then passing by people with the self-discipline to actually work out will get a solid flow going. Plus, when you’re underwater, no one can see your tears.

Basement Bathrooms in Cushing – They’re single-stall, and there’s no company quite like cobwebs and desperation. You’ll also get a nice sense of accomplishment once you make the decision between the West and East basements.

Philosophy Lounge in Rocky – If you’re willing to go up the three flights of stairs, it’s not hard to get to, but you still feel like you’re secluded from the rest of campus. Also a great place to flex your superiority complex (it’s a philosophy lounge) while looking over everyone scrambling around the Quad. Bonus points if it’s on the fire escape.

Sex Tree – This location is especially great when you’re feeling masochistic and looking to exacerbate feelings of loneliness and horniness. Just make sure that it’s unoccupied.

Metcalf – Works best if you already know you’re gonna be sad next Tuesday at 3:15 p.m. Don’t worry if you didn’t get an appointment though, the stress balls, pamphlets and candy will help tide you over until the feelings of neglect have passed.

Studios in New Hackensack – By the time you get there, you’ll either be feeling a lot better or a lot worse, so this one might be a gamble. Great for when you realize that no one takes your work seriously and that your degree isn’t gonna get you anywhere. Not just for art majors!

Practice Rooms in Skinner – These are about as private (and vaguely soundproof) as you’ll get. Take advantage of the aesthetically grated windows and pretend you’re in a music video. Don’t be afraid to bring your friends–there are plenty of rooms to go around.

The Stage of the Martel – The perfect spot if you’re looking to take your petty drama to the next level. Get into it by dressing up a little and draping yourself across the grand piano. It really is your world, we’re just living in it.

Quiet Meditation Room in the Library – Definitely one of the most peaceful and aesthetically pleasing spots on campus, complete with a beautiful view. You can decide if you want to hug or punch the cushions, just don’t forget to wear nice socks and take your shoes off.

Anywhere in Raymond – The only way to take full advantage of the stellar facilities! Check out the basement if you’re feeling spooky, the elevator if you’re feeling brave or the bathrooms if you’ve lost all hope.

Bridge on the TH Path – Nothing good ever happens there anyway, so you might as well go for it. Also works well if you throw up when you cry. Bonus points if it’s not a weekend night and you don’t live in the TH’s.

Library 24-Hour Room – Sometimes, you just have to be practical about your cry sessions. No shame in handing in a paper with a few tear/ snot/unidentified fluid drops on it.

Note: Most of these locations also work well for having sex. Whatever gets you through the semester.

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