WASHINGTON, D.C.— Today I witnessed the first-ever presentation of the Presidential Medal of Fortune Telling. The recipient of the medal was none other than Kylie Jenner. She was praised for her prediction that 2016 would be the year of “realizing stuff.” Ms. Jenner specifically said: “I feel like every year has a new energy. And I feel like this year is really about… like, the year of just realizing stuff. And everyone around me, we’re just like realizing things. 2016. Looking good.”
And while 2016 might not be looking good for the rest of us, it has in fact been a banner year for the young Jenner. She has that lipstick line out, I think it’s called “Kylie”; she has been perpetually in the news for her relationship with musical artist Tyga and her obviously made-up feud with her brother, Rob Kardashian, and his Baby Mother, Blac Chyna. (Dream was not present at the ceremony. Allegedly she was in Los Angeles working on her own line of emojis.) It is true that there is no such thing as bad publicity for Jenner, and she has come out the winner of 2016 with this latest commendation.
The path to greatness was not easy for Ms. Jenner. When the 30-second video came out through her app on Jan. 20, people dismissed Jenner for being vapid and using the word “like” too much. However, once 2016 got underway, we understood her message. The lesson of Realization has spread rapidly throughout the world.
We realized that people care more about the death of a gorilla than the death of the guy who played Snape; we realized that Americans would rather vote for an orange with a toupee than a woman who is qualified; we also realized that everything is pointless because we are all slowly dying (though some of us knew that for a while already).
Some realizations, however, have been more personal. The intrepid reporter that I am, I went and interviewed some people who came out toJenner’s medal ceremony. Many people were thankful to Jenner for putting into words what they themselves could not articulate and they all had stories to tell.
Adam, 42, from Wisconsin, finally realized where the remote had been hiding for two years: inside his remote-holder shaped like the book Moby Dick. Diane, 67, from Arizona, realized that her sister had not just been living with Joan for 30 years, but that they were a lesbian couple. The most touching story came from Tracey, 24, from Miami. She used to go by “Trixii” from 2007 to 2015, but realized this year that that name was stupid and went back to her given name.
These were only some of the touching stories I had the privilege of hearing on Saturday. Many people told me that they realized their partners were cheating, or that their bras were not the right size. Each and every person at that ceremony was thankful that Kylie was able to help them through this trying year. President Obama told the audience that he realized many things as well. “2016 has been a hard year for many of us,” he said. “I realized that people like Joe Biden more than me, and that I am not memeable like he is,” he remarked. The quip drew many laughs as Joe Biden proceded to put on his aviator sunglasses and shot his finger guns playfully at the audience.
It is clear Ms. Jenner has created hope for millions, both in the private and public sector. I was given the chance to talk to Jenner after the medal ceremony. When I asked her if she anticipated this kind of reaction to her video, Kylie answered, “Absolutely. It was like, not a surprise for me at all that people reacted the way they did.”
Gracious and humble, Ms. Jenner was not going to take full credit. “I want to thank the people around me, though,” she added. “If they hadn’t realized stuff too, I would’ve never predicted that 2016 would be the year of realizing stuff.” I also asked Jenner what exactly she realized in 2016, but she declined to comment.
Some of the people to which Jenner was referring were in the audience. Her sister Kendall Jenner was there, looking sullen and somewhat bitter at the realization that her brand is not as successful as her sister’s, even with her new lip job.
Her mother, Kris Jenner, was beaming because she realized how much publicity this would garner. The rest of the Kardashian-Jenner clan was absent, but Caitlyn did Skype in to boast how proud she was of her daughter. “I could never really see Kylie as a predictor,” Jenner explained. “But that’s why she’s getting the medal today, instead of me!”
Obama and Jenner seemed very friendly during the photo-op. I assume that they had met before Kylie and Malia went to Coachella or something together. Whether or not they had met before, the two were buddying around. Obama pretended to blame Jenner for the outcome of the election while she laughed along. When Obama told Jenner she could put Nate Silver out of business, Jenner merely laughed awkwardly and plugged her new sterling silver jewelry line, coming out February 2017.
(It will be called “K” and it will be distributed by Kay Jewelers. It was obvious she does not know who Nate Silver is, but honestly I don’t really know exactly who he is, either. I’m a celebrity reporter, not Rachel fricken Maddow.)
I must admit I still have more realizing to do. Thankfully there’s about a month left for me and the rest of the world to get it done. Thanks to Kylie Jenner, this has been a year of Realizing Stuff, and hopefully 2017 will be the year we take those Realizations and put them to good use. Only time (and Kylie) will tell.
