Why go JYA when you can JY-stay at home and in bed

How’s school? Are y’all having a great time? No? Not surprising. I, a free woman until March, am writing from my cozy comfy bed at home. It’s great. I can go downstairs and get some Cheez Its without using ANY dining bucks, and get wine drunk with my mom without getting carded. While you slave away writing papers about stuff nobody cares about, I am here slaving away over which tv show I should binge watch next. And while extended winter break is great, I have gone a little stir crazy.

Since my winter break is as long as summer, I have taken to treating this time like June through August instead of December through February. Wearing shorts and tank tops outside has given me hypothermia but I do have fun playing beach volleyball and making sand castles out of snow. Eating ice cream has gotten a little difficult, and my tongue has frozen on several occasions, but I am dedicated to my craft. When else will I get this fun and free summer vacation? By my calculations, never, since I come back from Germany in August and then am graduating and pulling out my hair the next year, so I am enjoying each breath of summer/winter while I can.

But this break hasn’t been all carefree. I have been diligently practicing my German, doing guttural throat exercises every morning before I eat some sausage for breakfast. I have reenacted the fall of the Berlin Wall with pillows in my bedroom, and I now believe I was there at the actual fall. I have also been reading German newspapers. Now, I don’t understand a thing but the words are pretty funky looking, and I can’t wait to understand what is an Angela Merkel. No, I am not going to be wearing lederhosen in Berlin, but I have been breaking in a pair of my own that I wear under my pjs.

I definitely do not miss school. Honestly, I’m not even sure where I go anymore. Vanderbilt? Vancouver? Vasculature? The jury is still out. I do get emails from time to time, and I have no idea what they are about, but I know that they annoy the crap out of me and that administrative emails should have an unsubscribe button. I was supposed to visit a week ago but I got lost and ended up at Marist. It was nice there. People were happy and they didn’t seem concerned that I was following them around. 

The one thing I do miss about school is my friends. I have made cornhusk dolls to represent each of them and we have tea parties and ragers and do homework together. Sometimes I have to settle disputes between them, but what is life without a little drama? They have actually grown on me, and they are in some ways better than my real friends. For example, my dolls laugh at all my jokes, and tell me that I’m amazing all the time and have not once tried to kill me, which is good, because most cornhusk dolls are homicidal maniacs.

The only thing I’m really worried about over break is how much my brain has atrophied. I keep losing my keys and then I remember that I don’t have any keys to lose. It’s like I’m living in an M. Night Shyamalan movie except super boring. I have been trying to watch Jeopardy to keep my brain sharp, but I don’t remember what time or channel it’s on. One time I tried to do the crossword puzzle without a writing implement. I can’t remember the last time I left the house or took a shower, but I know that it has been a very long time since I’ve done either. Sometimes I feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway, with my cornhusk dolls acting as Wilson. But then I leave my room and see my parents, and I remember that they know how bad I smell and how many boxes of Cheez Its I have been eating. They look at me with disappointment, asking me how many more days until I leave. I tell them I have no clue. But really, the program started 2 weeks ago, and I am never leaving!!!!

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