Dear Humor & Satire section of the Misc, If I had known in utero that The Miscellany News existed, I would’ve been born ready to be its Humor Editor. Doing this job has included a lot of things that I love: writing humorous articles, making new friends, micromanaging, staying up until the wee hours of every Wednesday morning, stress emailing, deadlines…you get the picture. I’ve been editing and writing humor pieces for about a year and a half now. I started as a small, eager, kinda dumb first-year who reached out to both the Humor Editor and the Opinions Editor about writing, got prompt responses from both, and only ever replied to the Humor Editor. (Think about it. I could’ve been writing for Opinions. Who would I be without a consistent release valve for my bad jokes?) I wrote every week. Literally, every week. I must’ve been so annoying to the Humor Editor, what with sending him lots of emails and all. But then I took over his position. And now my time as Humor Editor is ending, and I’m still small, still eager, still kinda dumb. I cannot believe that it’s nearly over.
My first-ever article in the Humor section was entitled “Hide your crippling social anxiety under fun costumes.” The gist of it was that I came up with a list of fun, Vassar-related Halloween costumes to prep for Halloweekend. At the time, I was pretty proud of myself because when he read the part where I suggested that people be the Ghost of a Good GPA, my Humor Editor, a lovely and very, very funny (wink, wink) fellow named Zander said (and I quote), “I laughed out loud.” But now that I am Humor Editor, I realize he may have just been saying that so I would want to keep writing; he probably just said that to all the humor writers.
But clearly I did not stop there. I think one of my favorite articles from my freshman year was the article I wrote declaring my candidacy for Vassar College President. Besides the fact that this article is hysterically funny, I also like it because it discusses one of my favorite topics: myself! Basically, the whole article was just a ploy to get my picture (Which is beautiful, by the way. It’s of me flipping off the Matthew Vassar statue as a light snow begins to fall. Oh, the aesthetic.) in the paper and get to talk about myself more than I already do. Plus, I was able to come up with a super hip and relatable slogan: “Frick the Patriarchy.” I definitely plan on using that if/when I decide to run for public office. That’s right, Pat Toomey. Shake in your boots! Shake in them!
One article I should have written during my time as Humor Editor but never did was a review of the movie “Space Jam.” I know what you’re thinking, dear reader, because I’m sure you’ve been avidly keeping up with everything I’ve written. You’re thinking, “But Evelyn, you beautiful goddess, you already wrote a review of Space Jam!” That’s true, I did. But that was a review of “Space Jam” when I had never actually seen the movie. And I wanted that article to be a part of a larger series. The next “Space Jam” review would’ve occurred after I had watched it…while completely fucking toasted. Could you imagine some of the comedy gold that could’ve been derived from that? I can only imagine that watching “Space Jam” whilst stone cold sober is a fucking trip, so watching it after smoking some devil’s lettuce would be even wilder. The first time Bugs says, “What’s up, Doc?” I’d probably be sent reeling into an existential crisis of mythic proportion.
I’ve written over 30 humor articles for the humor section in my two years at Vassar. Not to toot my own horn, but that’s a lot!!!! I’ve given so much of myself to this section and the Misc as a whole, and while I’ve had many ups and downs in this org, ultimately I wouldn’t trade my time as Humor Editor for anything. To my editor Zander, thank you so much for conning me into taking this position; even though I’m funnier than you, your guidance and friendship have been an invaluable part of my Vassar experience. To Leah and Yesenia, my successors, I am so unbelievably happy to be leaving the section with you; I am certain you will take the section onto bigger and better things. To the Editorial Board of The Misc, I love you all. (Except a few of you. You know who you are.)
Well, here we are. The last few sentences of my article. There’s a phrase I’ve wanted to use in one of my articles, but I don’t think I ever have. So now is my chance. I leave you with this: Wake up, Sheeple.
All my love,