From avocados to yappy dogs: lame internet fads

Perhaps it’s because I have a 15-year-old brother, but something that I have noticed recently is our propensity to tolerate lower and lower quality content on the Internet. It’s like that meme “when you notice yourself enjoying worse and worse content” and there’s some poor child not enjoying a ride down a playground slide. You have to have seen the image, I suppose. I can’t believe I just actually tried to describe a meme. I’m no better than those meme studies majors that keep showing up in those “NowThis” videos. Regardless, I want to reveal some of the most pathogenic trends that I readily participate in.

1. Stories

It seems like ancient history when Snapchat first introduced the story, so old in the relative Internet age it seems as though Plato could have added a blurry video of toga-clad men shouting “Chug!” as Socrates takes his hemlock to Athens’s “Our Story.” Actually, I feel like I have seen that on Snapchat before, but not in Athens.

Regardless, the trend took off, with Instagram and Facebook being examples of successful implementation and disastrous decision making, respectively. I wouldn’t be surprised if, before long, you can put where you had dinner on your Venmo story or a photo of yourself in the Career Development Office bumming that free pizza on your LinkedIn story.

2. Self-Improvement Apps

I must admit that I have fallen victim to a few of these traps. Back in the day, my brother and I got obsessed with a sleep timer app that you put on your bed at night, and it would give you some bullshit data about your sleep quality based purely on how much you moved during the night. The problem is, I’m quite well known to be a “destructive sleeper.” When I was abroad, I woke up one morning with my top sheet nearly rent in two. Though I blamed that particular instance on lower thread counts in Italian sheets, I wasn’t able to get past my low sleeping scores.

My recent foray into apps of this ilk has been downloading “Moment,” an app that, via a process of barely concealed irony, tracks and displays your daily phone usage. Though I have not changed my behavior at all, I have learned that an app that must always track your location sure ravages your battery.

3. Concept Videos

Travelers from around the world can’t get enough of this Avocado Bar! That’s right, everything in this bar in Copenhagen is made out of avocados. You can try a cocktail served with frozen avocado cubes in an avocado shell! Or even play pool with avocado pits! They use a lattice of the non-ripe avocado flesh and pits to make up firmer structures, such as the tables and stools, and all but the tablecloths and placemats are made of avocado skin. But don’t worry, there’s still plenty of creamy stuff to eat out of the avocado fountain. Tag a friend whom you would love to go with :)!!!

4. Corgis

Unpopular opinion, but Corgis and videos about them are frankly carcinogenic. In general, I’m not too taken with small dogs; if you like dogs so much, wouldn’t you just want to have more net dog? Corgis are closer to being rodents than canines, or, as my friend referred to another small, yappy dog, “pellets.” Small dog disses aside, the stuff about corgi butts and twerking is too much for me to stomach. The people who are about that are definitely furries—not that there’s anything wrong with that, by the way. It’s just that the whole furry fandom doesn’t really match my fursona.

5. Memitators

We’ve got memes to the extremes these days. The Internet really has a whole smear of them, from those so utterly offensive that you wish your friends would send them to you rather than tag you in them, to ones that are more normcore than tweeting about seeing the back of Lisa Kudrow’s head in the Deece.

Unfortunately, some sources are far less talented than “It is Wednesday my dudes.” For example, memitators that post an image of a gigantic glass of wine that says “When you can only have one drink that night,” or worse, text with no image at all. Still, nothing trumps the GIFs that the CDO sends in terms of try-hard. However, this is the second time in five categories that I’ve brought them up, which could be indicative that their lackluster media has influenced me, or that I’m unemployed and terrified.

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