How to survive release of your fave band’s new content

A few weeks ago, one of my favourite K-pop groups, BTS, released a new music video. Being a fangirl, I’m still recovering from all that joy. I absolutely adore those seven very talented guys, who are prettier than all the Disney princesses put together. Naturally, like many of their fans, I too had some extreme reactions resulting from all the built-up excitement. Some people asked me if I needed help. Anyway, since I seem to have composed myself, I decided to offer some advice to those who feel extraordinary amounts of joy, love and excitement when their favorite artists release new songs.

Before the release day:

1. Accept the fact that you won’t be able to listen to any other song for (at least) the next week and that you’ll have only one tune playing in your head. Accept that your workout playlist will not be listened to for a while and that you’ll constantly be humming one single tune. You’ll be dreaming about it, you’ll be singing it in the shower, it’ll be playing in your head while taking an exam. Be prepared. And if one of your pesky friends says, “Hey, check out this random song I like,” tell them to go take a hike, as your ears shall only hear your new jam. But try not to be an ass about it.

2. Prepare your friends for your exuberance in advance. Tell all your (boring) non-fangirl friends to watch out for your random outbursts of joy and your (amazing) fangirl friends to join you and share the sheer euphoria when the song releases. Explain to those who are not aware of how excited you can get that any extreme reactions are perfectly normal, as are expressions of your love for the artist in the song. Tell them not to call 911 or Baldwin, no matter how ecstatic you seem. This is what fangirls do.

3. Make a plan for the day of the release. Academics, dinner plans, social gatherings—everything is secondary. Be prepared for the fact that nothing productive will get done that day. Make a plan to deal with your shit on another day be- cause once the new song is out, your brain won’t function.

On the day of the release:

1. Carefully listen to the new song and like and watch the video, preferably in an isolated place where people won’t get to witness your elation. (Unfortunately, I was at the Deece when I watched the new BTS video. People were wondering why I was gleefully staring and pointing at my laptop screen and also grooving and hyperventilating at the same time.) Keep a first aid kit nearby in case you faint (from whether the song is amazing or terrible), in addition to oxygen masks for hyperventilating. Extra precautions are needed if the artist is attractive. I remember experiencing some difficulty breathing because every guy in BTS is too good looking to be true.

2. Keep some food and water around. Self-care is of utmost importance. I understand the need to become a zombie and watch the video continuously for days on end, but don’t forget to feed yourself. It’ll help you appreciate the music more.

Basic necessities for release day include gauze, antiseptic, needles, tweezers and scissors./ Courtesy of Pixabay

3. Be kind to others. A fit of joy is acceptable with your closest friends, but not with every- one. Don’t get too annoyed if people repeatedly ask you if you need help. Some people don’t understand fangirling, and they’re just trying to be helpful. If they judge you for your enthusiasm, try not to get violent. Just ignore them. Also accept that some people just don’t have good taste in music, and so they might not be able to appreciate your new jam. I know it’s absurd, but don’t feel too bad if they say they don’t want to listen to it. In the event that they do listen to the song and say that they don’t like it, have your pitchfork at the ready. But violence is never the answer. You can always just secretly hate them.

4. Share the joy with those who understand. Text them 100 times with 1,000 emojis expressing your love for the song and/or artist. Screaming, crying, shrieking and jumping around together are acceptable, but not in the library. Find a place to fangirl where you won’t disturb other, boring humans. Post about your excitement on social media. If people complain about too many posts, unfriend them. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life!

5. Download the song and make sure your earbuds work! The world’s biggest tragedy would be if technology failed you and you couldn’t listen to your jam. I wouldn’t recommend stealing, but you can always, you know, “borrow” someone’s earbuds without asking them. As long as it really is “borrowing.” Don’t take my word for this.

6. Change your laptop and phone wallpaper and put up a gazillion posters in your room. You should be able to look at your favorite artist’s face constantly. If you think this is creepy, I’d advise not coming to my room or looking at my phone or laptop. You might report me for being a creeper.

7. Sing and dance to your jam all day long. Shower singing is acceptable, but out of courtesy to fellow bathroom users, try to sing in tune. No one likes listening to a dying cat.

Over the next few days:

1. The fangirling can continue, by all means. Try to fit your jam into your daily schedule. You have to continue living your life, even if life seems meaningless after your soul has been taken over by the music. Fight the desire to become a zombie fangirl who stays and fangirls in her dark and dingy room all day and emerges only during mealtimes. Use your jam to reward yourself when you get stuff done. If you eat your vegetables, listen to the song twice. If you write a paper or work out, listen to it four times. Whatever floats your boat! Put your passion to good use.

2. Seek help if the emotions get too overwhelming. All outbursts of joy and excitement described above can be considered perfectly normal, but if you’re so obsessed with this artist that you’re planning your wedding with them, then maybe you need to tone it down a tad. I hate to tell you this, but that famous person has no idea that you exist. Or I’d be Mrs. Chris Evans (Captain America) by now.

That’s all the advice I can offer, one overzealous fan to another. Happy listening! Don’t become a creeper, and please don’t report me. I swear I’m fine.

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