Ten tips on how to survive this never-ending winter

Last week, Vassar experienced 48 hours of sunshine, warmth and no snow. It was beautiful. Students bloomed from the muddy quad to enjoy the rays of sun that smiled upon them. They adorned the campus grasses with brightly colored attire. They shed their sweater-shells and became stress-free butterflies that spread the covers of their books to absorb the literature and the heat. The prospective students were amazed to see signs of spring in February. Many exclaimed, “The students did not hide from the shadow of their overwhelming stress!” Unfortunately, the springtime did not last. The weather changed drastically in a matter of a few hours, and the campus returned to being a winter wonderland.

Google tells me that there are 25 days left of this horrible winter. It seems like a long way away, but out of the kindness of my heart, I am here to share some survival tips that will make the rest of winter seem much shorter!

  1. Use old papers that received bad grades as fuel for a fire. (Follow fire safety rules, of course. And don’t forget to buy marshmallows, graham crackers and Hershey chocolates for s’mores!)
  2. As you are finishing your Pity Bonfire Spectacular, make sure to use your tears to be extra sure that you’ve put the fire out completely.
  3. As you probably have plenty of warm tears to shed, take a few moments to pamper yourself. Tears are an efficient way of heating water, so sit in a tub, cry and soon enough you will see the tears react with your colorful bath bomb that you saved money for from your work-study earnings.
  4. Steal cucumbers from the Deece and use them to cover the dark circles from your constant all-nighters. They will freeze in the time it takes to walk to your dorm, so they will be nice and fresh!!
  5. Once you’ve walked out of your tear bath, you are ready to go to bed. As a bedtime story, watch the video of the UT student who arrived late to a final, forgot her blue book and realized she to went to the wrong classroom! There’s nothing like empathy to help you relax for bed.
  6. Cover yourself with the heat of existential crises. Just think, the dinosaurs were really warm when the meteor struck the face of the earth. (If we’re lucky, the next will hit before finals!)
  7. If you are fortunate enough to live in Raymond this semester, you probably already have a heater that keeps you company with all that rattling noise! If you listen closely, it’s probably cheering you on! Sit close to it and listen. It might be able to give you study tips after seeing many students before you study and eventually graduate!
  8. Be a good samaritan and guard the clothes of those unfortunate people who forgot to take their things out of the dryer. As payment, you can envelop yourself with the freshly dried clothes. It will keep you warm and the aromatherapy of their fabric-softener will help you relax.
  9. I suggest you make some new friends and then ask if they are willing to huddle with you and your other new friends in the College Center. The goal is to make a lot of new friends so then you can all huddle together and use your body heat to keep each other warm. Don’t worry, I am sure everyone on campus is reading this so no one will think you are up to something suspicious, like starting a cult.
  10. If you are from a place that rarely sees snow, like myself, remember that slipping on ice/snow is embarrassing for everyone. It will go much better if you laugh it off. It will still be embarrassing, but at least you are replacing tears with cackles. A good way to signal to onlookers that it is okay to laugh is to make a joke. Just yell, “GRAVITY CHECK! IT’S STILL WORKING!” It has not worked for me, but it might for you! In all seriousness, know that there are students who can relate to your seasonal slump, and you can always talk to them. Spring is coming, so have hope!

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