Horoscope– 3/28


Doctors agree that waking up early and working out before class is a healthy practice. With spring approaching, you have no excuse to skip out on the gym, as there won’t be ice on the ground. Sadly, you won’t see me there.


Getting back to the daily grind may be wearing you down. To lift your spirits, I suggest listening to Christmas music. You can keep things interesting by listening to a different genre of Christmas music each week. Start with the classics, then pop, country, instrumental and finally the soundtrack of “Elf.”


Avoid doing cocaine this week.




April Fools.


I suspect you don’t moisturize as much as your body needs. Change that by hosting a moisturizing party where you invite all your friends, family, acquaintances and professors to lotion their legs and elbows! My sister, certified moisturizer, recommends 45 minutes of lathering before bed.


It’s probably been awhile since your last doctor’s appointment, and you might want to discuss why you’re tired all the time (probably because you go to bed at 3 a.m.). While some fear the doctor, you’ll be able to power through without worrying about a tuberculosis scare.


As summer approaches, you may be tempted to give up. Don’t be like me and give up like I did on the Virgo horoscope for this week.


Life may seem bleak after your glorious and stress-free spring break. One way to keep your happiness and excitement alive during the last few weeks of school is to get a bunch of motivational posters. My favorite is the “hang in there” kitty poster.


You may be struggling with your identity. If you’re getting tired of your everyday look, you can quickly change it up by shaving your head or dyeing your hair rainbow colored. Also consider dyeing all your clothes black to become more goth.


College is a stressful time. In order to blow off some steam, I recommend regressing back to your childhood. You can do this through watercoloring sunsets or glitter glueing your shirts. Hopefully your mom will love your artwork and hang it on the fridge like she used to.


Avoid the mall/shopping this week. While shopping may be a great stress reliever, it can also take an emotional toll. However, purchasing a $1o pink sparkly skirt can do significant wonders for your confidence.


You may have been feeling down recently. So, take advantage of being back at school where you have access to ice cream from 11 a.m.–1 a.m. This means you can have ice cream for every meal, and it’s scientifically proven that ice cream makes you happy.


Get a head start on the senior streak and go to all of your classes in the nude. It’s not against school rules, as we are a clothing-optional campus. Also, with the start of spring, it’ll be warm enough. Good luck and happy streaking!

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