Horoscopes– 4/25


You may be feeling guilty about your environmental waste after enjoying the Earth Day festivities. So instead of buying that fresh hat you’ve been lusting after, make one out of the humor section of this week’s student-run newspaper.


Taurus, I know that you’ve been looking for a new look. Instead of paying real money for a swanky haircut, blindfold your most uncoordinated friend and let them take scissors to your hair. Hopefully you’ll get something truly unique.


Even though the end is coming soon, it’s still sad to live with your walls bare. While it’s too late into the year to buy a calendar, you can still make your own. Get 12 of your closest friends together to partake in a sexy calendar photoshoot.


To decrease your monthly budget, Cancer, cut back on your makeup purchases. If you are feeling lost without your eyeliner, you can always use a Sharpie to draw it on. It’s honestly a better option for daily use because you don’t need to reapply, and it’ll stay in the same place the whole day.


I suspect you’ve always had a deep (maybe hidden) desire to be a DJ. While DJ equipment can be hard to come by, you can DIY it by opening five different YouTube windows and stopping and starting each of the different songs. If you want to be really crazy, you can add in your own beatboxing noises.


It’s completely natural to want to show off your identity through some cool tattoos. If you want them for tonight and at low cost, draw them on yourself. Pick a place that you can’t see, like your left butt cheek, so you won’t know if it looks terrible.


Do you want a scarf? Learn to knit. If you don’t want to learn, learn how to manipulate a friend into knitting the scarf for you. It’ll probably look significantly better than the one you made. The only downside is that it’s warm now, so you won’t be able to wear it anyway.


You want attention this week, Scorpio. To get the attention you deserve, plan a fashion show for your friends. Wear your most ridiculous outfits and match three different patterns together. To really make an impression, end it in your underwear.


You might be feeling melancholy with the end of the year approaching because you and your friends will be apart for the entire summer! Make a scrapbook for each of your friends to remember your favorite memories from the year: reading the horoscope section in The Miscellany News every week.


Hammocking season is upon us. However, life is sad when you can’t follow the trend because your sister took the family hammock to college. In order to fit in, you can create your own hammock by tying your roommates’ pants together (you don’t want to stretch out your own pants).


It would be sweet of you to show your significant other some love this week. Consider making them a construction paper heart or a pyramid of milkshakes at late night Deece. I personally like mine made with chocolate ice cream and chocolate milk. Catch me in the booths at late night!


With finals looming, you may be feeling slight stress. You can deal with this by playing with a stress ball. If you don’t have one, you can DIY it by getting a condom and filling it with your failed exams. Or you could just get one from the counseling office.

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