Horoscopes– 5/2


You may be feeling the need to kiss a frog this week. That’s totally normal! You will have a marvelous adventure with your one true love, eventually attaining your life goals: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.


Studying up will be important for you this week, Taurus. Consider going to the library and spending copious amounts of time becoming the only literate person in your village. Hopefully these skills will help you take down Gaston and tame the Beast!


It’s time to be free from your fins and use your legs to walk and run and stay all day in the sun. Use your newfound appendages to actually leave your room and sunbathe on the quad. Just remember to wear sunscreen because the sun emits very harmful UV rays that can even be cancerous.


Are your stress levels so high that you have accidentally turned the world into an eternal winter? Just let it go! With only a couple classes left, it doesn’t matter if you stop showing up. Perhaps you can even skip finals! Everything will work out as long as you have sisterly love.


Learn from Aurora this week and prick your finger on a spindle. The entire college will fall into eternal sleep, so you won’t need to study or take your finals! Just remember that you are a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man.


With Jupiter in retrograde, now is the time to live your life to the fullest without regard for your evil stepsisters. All you need is a little confidence, a cute outfit and a pumpkin carriage. Get out there and enjoy the ball for yourself, not just to marry rich.


The end of the semester may leave you struggling and wanting some help. Perhaps you can try Rapunzel’s methods of getting rescued from the tower by entrancing a casual passerby, throwing your hair out of the window and having them scale up the walls into your dorm room.


As a water sign, I bet you feel a strong connection to Moana. To be honest, she is the overlord of all the water signs. If you test how far you’ll go in this life, the stars indicate that you may be able to be reborn as Moana!


Let your hair flow this week and continue growing out those luscious locks. Show your rebellious nature this week by wearing your hair untamed, much like your spirit princess, Merida. Hopefully, embracing this Scottish princess’s fierce demeanor will help you feel more warlike this week.


Now is the time to acquire minions to do your bidding. Perhaps you can follow in Snow White’s footsteps by “adopting” seven dwarfs. However, remember to be selective when kidnapping your minions. No one wants to corral Sleepy, Grumpy and Dopey.


Let’s get down to business to defeat the homework. Does the patriarchal society we live in send you daughters when you asked for sons? If so, learn to battle, box and swordfight so that you can smite the patriarchy.


I suspect you’ve gone months without cleaning that carpet in the center of your floor. While the smells and slime may seem daunting, you can pretend that you’re Jasmine on a magic carpet ride of cleaning!

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