After questioning side bangs, sophomore embraces new emo identity

“What kind of music do you like?” they ask. “Have you heard the new Kanye collab?” they inquire. I don’t know what to tell them. They won’t understand. I exclusively listen to the same pop punk emo trash I’ve been listening to since 2008. I thought I had successfully avoided the emo phase, despite some questionable hair choices in the 2010s. Then, in my sophomore year of college, it snuck up on me. Knowing I was emotionally weak, it pounced. Outside, I seemed normal. Inside, I was experiencing everyone’s first year of high school. Bands started appearing: Motionless in White, My Chemical Romance, Sleeping With Sirens. I went into a Hot Topic for the first time in my life. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I think the people at the Hot Topic were very confused too. During first year of high school, I looked the part but did not feel the part. Sophomore year, I feel the part but do not look the part.

Adapting to this lifestyle is hard work. My friends and family do not understand. “It’s just a phase,” they say, “You’ll get over it eventually.” What if it’s not a phase, Mom? What if this is just my lifestyle now? I’ve cried in the Deece at least three times this semester, making solid progress on the emotional bit. The physical aspect is a little harder. There’s this specific moment where you think you are wearing the same shade of a dark color, but then you step out into the sun and realize all of your different articles of clothing are completely different colors.

When your friends hand you the aux cord, it’s a pretty big deal. Recently, I had been granted this immense privilege (previously revoked because of my apparently garbage music taste). Thought I whipped on a banger, but apparently people no longer slap to “Mr. Brightside.” My aux cord privileges were again revoked.

I am working on being silent and brooding, but so far the most metal thing I have done is jaywalked, only to almost be hit by a Domino’s delivery car. Maybe I should get an edgy tapestry, something with a vague mysterious pattern that makes me seem equally mysterious…and vague.

Entering this phase so late in the game has been weird, but I have learned to love and embrace my new emo self, if a decade too late. Unfortunately, I have yet to find others like me. Apparently I missed the 2005 peak heyday by about 13 years. Maybe I should learn how to properly rawr xD, or say I wuv you in dinosawr. Should I stan MCR and single-handedly try to bring back Myspace? Should I try to achieve that perfect side-bang?

I have instead decided to start an emo band. If you are reading this, this is an emo casting call to be in one of the best post-2005 emo bands that the world has ever seen. So far, there is only one member (me). If you can play the electric guitar, drums, the other guitar, the funky piano thing or every one listed, I want YOU for this band—help a girl’s emo dreams come true.

Still needed, though, is someone to teach me how to emo scream. It is a lot harder than it looks, and I have the voice of a 13-year-old boy. Inquiries from anyone who can teach me how to emo scream are appreciated.

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