Writer wanders campus at night, chuckles about article ideas

Above is an amazing cartoon depicting the transition of an article from writer to reader. I often worry about this transition when I turn in essays at 3 a.m. after no sleep. Courtesy of Frank.

Hey! Are you funny? Do you want to write for the humor section? You’re going to need ideas for articles weekly! As someone who has been through many trials and many, many, many more errors, I’m going to share some tips and tricks about what I do to constantly pursue these elusive ideas. It’s a long, arduous process, although inspiration may lurk around any corner or in any crevice. When I’m feeling hard-pressed for ideas, the Deece (I’m sorry, the Gordon Commons) proves a rich source of inspiration. This seemed to be strategic for awhile, but I guess sitting in a booth with your laptop, staring at people and furiously typing as they walk by may start to seem slightly creepy. I get it! It’s a weird place to be for myself, too! I still mainly type with my two pointer fingers! Let me live!

When the Deece (Oh my God, I still mean Gordon Commons) runs dry (one can only write about humorous nervous breakdowns or not knowing how to cook so many times), I head to Cushing. On the way, I keep my eyes peeled for ANYTHING that could be funny. See a big moth? Article idea! Feeling emo that day? Article idea! Did I zone out so hard that my legs went on autopilot, and I ended up at the College Center? Not an article yet. I keep my eyes peeled because I’m writing ideas down in my idea book as I speak. Sadly, the second I return home to Cushing, every iota of humor I may or may not possess is sucked out of me like a person struggling to use those gigantic straws Wendy’s gives you with their Frosties (or do they give you a spoon now? I’m not sure). So, I leave immediately.

The next stop on my noble quest is Sunset Lake. Someone used to always be doing something stupid there (myself included), but lately it’s been quite lacking in idea generation. Maybe people are catching on to me and finding another place to engage in stupid activities, or maybe Sunset isn’t the hopping location it once was. In any event, I’m thinking of removing it from my humor route.

Next, I loop around and head back toward the Bridge. Science is funny, right? Wrong. Nothing is funny about organic chemistry. There’s just pain and suffering. Seeing people leaving lab with the imprints of their lab goggles deeply engraved into their foreheads is pretty funny, though, so I’m keeping the Bridge on my route just in case it ever becomes funny enough for an article idea.

After the Bridge, I head over to the Library. Notice I’m purposely skipping the Loeb. The Loeb is a precious thing that MUST be protected. If it were a person it’d be that sweetold-lady-type that gives out the full-size bars on Halloween. If I ever catch ANYONE making fun of that one painting with the weirdly proportioned people, I WILL fight them, and they can meet me in front of the Deece (GORDON COMMONS). The only thing funny about the Library so far is myself and my obscenely loud typing that is more disturbing than if I were to actually talk out loud. Also, just found out Matthew’s Bean doesn’t exist anymore. Really? Possible article idea?

It’s now that my computer battery begins to die, so it comes time to finish up my humor crusade. The final stop is the Quad. Weird and unsettling things usually happen there as opposed to humorous things. Once I saw someone make a pentagram with leaves. Autumnal Witchcraft? Why use leaves? Why the Quad? Does it have demonic energy that I should know about? I’m left with more questions than answers. It is here when my computer dies and my humorous quest ends. If anyone is interested in writing for the humor section, you should join me on my journey. Who knows, you might end up as an article.

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