Sleepy student joins all clubs, regrets inability to say no

A tired student became jealous of the sleeping spirits in the cemetery and took out his anger by setting the ghosts on fire. Hopefully the heat will rouse the lazy apparitions. Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons and pngimg.

College: a time for exploration, a time to go out and try new things and sign up for activities you’ve never thought of doing before, a time to feel like you should be working on homework for one class while literally working on homework for a different class.

When the semester started and you were eager to jump into a new chapter of your life and expand your horizons, of course you were excited to hear about the club fair.

The clubs presented all of their activities in front of you, and you thought, “Well hey, I’ll look around and get my feet wet with one or two clubs max that have to do with my interests.” But you had forgotten that you lack any confrontational ability whatsoever, which became a problem when LITERALLY anyone asked you to join a club: of course your immediate response was, “Oh yeah, of course, I’ve always been interested in that!”

Even though it’s a “Rocky Horror” production and the three people standing at this booth represent the largest amount of people you’ve talked to (or wanted to talk to) in five months.

Then, after you sign up for about 12 of these activities, the next responsibility you face is coming to terms with the harsh reality that you probably shouldn’t be working a student job, playing three sports (you’ve got the back problems of a 67-yearold ditch digger, what were you thinking?) and participating in a debate team (even if you could debate, you wouldn’t have to be on this team!). Oh well! At least that’s the extent of it! Go have yourself a quiet meal where no one can bother yo—

“HEY WANNA JOIN RUGBY?!”—A voice suddenly breaks out.


“Have you thought about rugby?! Great way to stay in shape!”

“Haha yeahhhhh…sure sign me up…”

“Okay awesome! Now, sorry, I have to go to my job as a mall kiosk vendor. I have a deep passion for bothering people right as they are about to eat.”

That went well. Okay. It’s fine, really! You aren’t doing that much…Yeah, you have that paper to write, but you can do it on Saturday. Oh wait, it’s tech week…Well, at least Sunday is open! Right after coaching hours and two group rehearsals…Do people really need even need eight hours of sleep per week? You’re sure that’s just a rumor.

Not to worry, though! You’re a strong person! You can just push through it and maximize your time. Should you be concerned that you’re literally sweating black coffee? No, of course not, you’re not premed!

Wait, are you? You should probably ask your pre-major advisor.

“Hey how are classes going?” asks your advisor.

“Hahaha oh great!” you respond, though you’re drowning in both responsibility and school work. “Could go for a bit more next semester honestly haha.” What the hell are you talking about? Back out of this now, you masochist.

Advisor—”Yeah? Well I saw you eyeing that German abroad poster! You should sign up for that intensive German class. It’s two credits in one semester!

“Sounds great, sign me up!” WHAT. You use LOL un-ironically in real-life speech! You are not ready for another language.

“Sweet, I’ll put it on there!”

Okay, well at least you’re highly motivated…That’s what we’ll call it, and I’m sure a lot of companies will be very impressed by the fact that you literally joined all of the clubs in the school.

Time for a break.

You get back to your room and stare at your lovely view of the cemetery. At least it’s reassuring to know that someone out there is getting some sleep. Now get back to work; you have a newspaper article to send to the Misc before 5 p.m., and you haven’t even started.

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