Frostbitten student searches for lost ring finger in tundra

The polar vortex swirled over Vassar last week with a vengeance, layering the ground with patches of ice and then coating people in snow to fool anyone who might think, “Oh, look, that soft patch of snow won’t be slippery at all.”

The subzero temperatures proved a challenge for even the frostiest students on campus; the monumental tasks of bundling up and leaving your windows closed overwhelmed many.

One student, Fred Lazarus ‘19, found himself in extra peril on his walk to The Building Formerly Known As The Deece one frigid morning.

“I forgot my gloves, and I was going all the way from Lathrop to the Deece. My fingers never even stood a chance,” said Lazarus.

Lazarus, failing to pull his phalanges inside his sleeves, succumbed to frostbite after about half an hour of walking back and forth from the edge of the building to the door, trying to decide if it was worth it to walk all the way back to his room to get gloves.

“I guess hindsight is 20/20, but in the moment I couldn’t make a decision: I had to eat, but my fingers were cold and I had class at 10:30. I probably shouldn’t have paced outside for so long, but it’s not worth going over the ‘shoulds’ and ‘coulds.’ What happened happened, and now all I can do is try to fix it,” Lazarus glumly sighed to himself.

Lazarus has gained some attention lately after posting on VC Lost and Found about losing his left ring finger.

“Well, when I first got frostbite, I went straight to Baldwin. They gave me some ibuprofen, so it was kind of up to me to try and keep my fingers on my body until I could restore circulation,” Lazarus shared. “But one snapped off somewhere on the quad, and I don’t know where it is. I’m starting to panic.”

As the temperatures are starting to rise, Lazarus is eagerly waiting for the snow to melt so his search for his missing finger can begin. He feels extremely concerned for his future now that he doesn’t have his left ring finger.

“What if I get married, and she doesn’t have anywhere to put the ring?” Lazarus said, despairing at the notion that a wedding ring might have to go on any of his other fingers.

“It just wouldn’t be the same,” he loudly complained. “How would I know I was married if it’s on the wrong finger? My life is over!”

A development on Vassar Free & For Sale gave Lazarus a little hope of reuniting himself with his missing digit. A post appeared late on Monday night advertising a left ring finger for “$20,000 OBO (or best offer),” but the hefty price tag dismayed struggling Lazarus.

“The seller said he had some pretty serious offers, I don’t think mine could be the best. Also, he says it’s not my finger. He won’t say where he got it, but he insists it’s not mine. Even if it were, I shouldn’t have to pay for my finger back.”

In the meantime, Lazarus is asking all students to keep an eye out for his missing finger. He would really like it back. Please help.

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