Mueller report: Where are our crazy kids now?

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

On March 22, Robert Mueller turned in his report to the Attorney General and did not suggest any additional indictments. When the dust has settled, I checked in with some of the people involved in the investigation to see how they were handling it coming to an end.

Mueller to retired from public service and spends his time reliving his glory days as director of the FBI by watching “The X-Files” and writing Scully/Mulder fanfiction. Donald Trump Jr. has been celebrating the fact that no indictments were recommended for him by throwing a week-long kegger in Trump Tower’s gold apartment. Reports say that the party features a marionette that resembles Jeff Sessions and a raffle to win a day golfing with Trump Sr. at Mar-a-Lago. The party also features a large screen that plays clips of every time Fox News personalities said that the special investigation was a witch hunt. Sean Hannity is heavily featured in the video, which is fitting, as he compiled all the clips as a present to the Trump family.

Ivanka Trump is deflecting questions about the investigations by reminding people that she and Karlie Kloss are sisters-in-law, and she is just focused on supporting Karlie as the new host of Project Runway, whether Karlie wants the support or not. Roger Stone spent this weekend tattooing Donald Trump’s face on his lower back to match his Nixon tattoo. While Stone admitted that it looks guilty to have Trump added to his back where he keeps track of the presidents he committed crimes for, Stone said it was worth it to avoid having to get Trump’s face as a stick and poke in jail.

My Republican uncle sent me a voice memo of him chanting “Lock her up!” He posted Trump memes on Facebook, and my aunt liked it, so now I have to avoid two family members this Thanksgiving. Lindsey Graham is back to feeling confident that he made the right pick in his new political best friend, and he is currently planning a road trip for him and Trump to South Carolina. Graham figures now that he’s riding high, he should take a crack at writing poetic emails about road-tripping since it worked so well for Beto O’Rourke.

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