Stifling spring break stress produces squash(ed) student

Ah, spring break. A period of time set aside to be outside of the classroom. A time dedicated to rest and relaxation. A time often used to catch up both on sleep and the latest binge-worthy Netflix shows. To learn more about what students do during this restorative, serene two-week period, we turn to junior Abby Winters.

“My spring break was great. It was definitely a time for me to unwind and get away from all things Vassar,” Winters told the Misc.

When asked more specifically about what she did during this time, she casually responded, “Oh, not a lot. It was very peaceful. All of my midterms are actually taking place after break because my professors were feeling real, well, um, generous I guess. So I spent a lot of time studying for all of those. And then I had to catch up on a bunch of schoolwork that I got behind on. And then I read a couple of full-length novels that were assigned to me because my professors knew I would have all of this extra downtime anyway. So I read those. I mean, I guess they’re right. What else was I going to do? Take a nap? And then I had a couple of internships to apply to. And then I had a couple of breakdowns because I don’t think anyone is actually going to hire me. And then after I had those breakdowns, I decided I would try to take up something new like squash so that I could have a new activity to add to my resume. So I did that. And then I also went to the gym every single day because I wanted to ensure I could have my full spring break glow-up. That didn’t go too well. And then my mom made me walk the dog a lot since I was around and wasn’t doing anything else with my time…but it was a great break! I definitely caught up on sleep—I think I averaged about six hours a night? Super restorative! I didn’t actually have any time to see any of my friends when I was home, because I was, you know, doing a lot. But I was able to hang out with my mom a bit! Or at least as much as I could in between her working and my squash-playing. So overall, it was a great break! I am coming back to Vassar feeling utterly overwhelmed and exhausted. I can’t wait for summer.”

Despite concluding the interview with a smile, Winters’ eyes were devoid of happiness. She looked quite dead inside.

Based on extensive interviews, I’ve complied the following spring break to-do list.

The ultimate spring break to-do list:

1. Be quirky, and don’t submit any internship applications.

2. Refuse to get out of bed and see how few steps you can accumulate on your preferred fitness tracker.

3. Start therapy. (Trust me, you need it.)

4. Make a lifestyle change, but instead of doing something cliché like going vegan, do something unique like eating only red meat.

5. Don’t tell any of your friends that you’re coming home, and instead spend all of your time alone really getting to know yourself. After a semester at Vassar, I am sure you have a lot to unpack.

6. Stage a photoshoot for your Tinder profile so you can ensure it is well-curated for your return to Vassar.

7. While some people may try to achieve a “glow up” over break, you should try to achieve the opposite, so that when you get back to campus people look at you and say, “Gosh, she looks AWFUL.”

How many were you able to complete?!?!

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