With next semester fast approaching, Vassar students are busy preparing for the new academic year.
Looking out for you all as usual, the Misc is here to give you soon-to-be seniors some help brainstorming what to write about for your theses. A list of possible ideas are as follows:
Why Am I Physically Incapable of Just Saying Hello to my Most Recent Hookup When I see Them at the Deece?
Abstract: An investigation into why Vassar students can’t just get it together, take the leap and say hello to their Saturday night flings when they cross paths by the salad bar. This exploratory study will ultimately reveal that we all are in constant states of foreboding and are convinced that no one will ever love us anyway, so why even try?
From 2 a.m. to 7 p.m.: Studying the Sleep Patterns of College Students and the Evolution of the “You Up?” Text
Major: Cognitive Science
Abstract: Through an examination of multiple “You Up?” texts documented over the course of several semesters, it becomes clear that a new trend is surfacing in which texts are being sent earlier and earlier into the night. This discovery demonstrates a positive correlation with bedtimes, which are also occurring at earlier times. Such a finding suggests that if one wants to have an eventful night, they should no longer consider sending their risqué texts at 2 a.m., but rather a hearty 7 p.m., just to really ensure that the response will be in the affirmative!
But Where Does It Actually Go? An Examination of the Deece’s Trash, Compost and Recycling Bins
Major: Environmental Science
Abstract: An investigation into the Deece’s hefty environmental footprint. Using data collected from a series of dumpster dives, this study reveals that everybody’s efforts are futile, the world is indeed ending, and everything is trash at the end of the day anyway. I guess you can take that as you will.
When I Suck in my Stomach, Where Does it Go?
Abstract: Honestly, we are a bit unsure about this one. If you do choose this for your thesis, please get back to the Misc about it, because we would love to know.
Is all of the Coffee at the Deece Actually Just Decaf?: An Examination of Vassar’s Newest Attempt to Reduce Anxiety on Campus
Abstract: It is a widely known fact that caffeine induces feelings of uneasiness. This study explores how Vassar has chosen to tackle issues of mental health on campus by investigating the school’s newest initiative to reduce feelings of anxiety: purposely mislabeling all coffee on campus as caffeinated in order to encourage students to break their nasty caffeine habits. Through surveying Vassar’s student body, it becomes clear that students are not only still anxious and still adamantly believe that no one will ever love them, but are cranky as well.