‘The Room’: Brilliant cult classic started at least six cults

Let’s begin this review with a disclaimer! I might have a bit of bias when it comes to “The Room” (2003). I have seen this movie in its entirety no less than eight times, and I entirely believe it’s the best movie ever made. And, given that mine is not the most popular opinion about this film, I do intend to make my review as unbiased and fair as possible. Now that my little disclaimer is out of the way, on to the impartial review!

Tommy Wiseau is the most brilliant man of the 21st century, dare I say…ever? He is the brains, beauty and heart of “The Room.” He directed, wrote, produced, starred in, probably provided craft services for and almost definitely built the advertising billboards with his bare hands for this film. He is basically Orson Welles if Orson Welles had actually managed to make a good movie.

As previously mentioned, Tommy Wiseau is also the face of the movie. Oh, the beauty! I advise anyone who doesn’t know what this man looks like to Google him—you surely will not be disappointed. One thing I would not advise Googling though is “tommy wiseau the room sex scene.” No one needs that much raw sexual energy in their lives. This film would not be the cinematic influence it is without Wiseau. He truly brings a specific flare to “The Room” which could only be brought by a man who has never disclosed his age or where he’s from. What a mystery!

Aside from the enigmatic prowess Tommy Wiseau radiates, the story he crafts is noteworthy. Johnny (played by Wiseau) is a banker (not clarified any more than that), and his fiancée is cheating on him with, you guessed it…his best friend! At first glance, this plot might seem simple or cliché, but this simplicity is precisely what brings the cinematic masterpiece to life.

The simplicity allows the film to navigate through multiple side plots that some may say are not fully fleshed out, but I say are really just there to leave the audience guessing. These side plots include Johnny getting a possible promotion, a bout with breast cancer, someone losing their “underwears” and a guy getting a gun to his head because he owes another guy drug money. This movie has a little something for everyone!

The acting is also extraordinary. The cast is composed of big names you’ve already heard of, like Greg “Best Friend Mark” Sestero, Philip “You’re Not My Feckin Mother” Haldiman, Juliette “My Full Name Is Really Just Two First Names” Danielle, and, of course, Tommy Wiseau. The cast does a fantastic job of really bringing these characters to life, and SPOILER ALERT death.

Wiseau must have known the range of his cast when he wrote the script. The film includes, but is not limited to, prolific quotes like, “You’re right, the computer business is too competitive!” alongside “YOU’RE TEARING ME APART LISAAAAAA” and “Anyway, how’s your sex life?” And who could forget my personal favorite, “Leave your stupid comments in your pocket.” This movie will have you questioning people about their sex life and will make it so you surely don’t go into the computer business because turns out…it’s just too competitive.

Last is the breathtaking mise en scene. The set decoration, consisting mostly of framed pictures of spoons, evokes my freshman dorm room, prior to my lessons in decoration (which is a skill I have definitely learned, don’t worry about it). This sparse and eclectic, dare I say “modernist,” set decoration contributes to the purpose of the simple plot: to draw the audience’s attention to the extraordinary characters, as opposed to extraneous features like “sets” or “plots.”

This is also conveyed through the occasional moments where the camera goes unfocused. What some might call sloppy camera work, I call film innovation! Instead of paying attention to an image which is at times not crystal clear (or if we’re being honest, never clear because 2003), Wiseau urges you to focus on the dialogue and relationships between characters.

If you were reading this just to see how many stars I give this movie out of 10 or whatever, you might be disappointed. Okay fine, because I am a fan of giving things a rating, I’ll do it. But I’m not happy about it. This movie gets a 6 out of 6 from me, representing the number of abs Tommy Wiseau has. That man is absolutely shredded for some reason, and quite frankly…I’m into it. This movie is not on Netflix, Hulu or Amazon Prime, so if this review has given you the urge to watch it, just find it somewhere random online like you probably did for “Game of Thrones” because I know y’all don’t have HBO subscriptions. If you do though, can I snag your login info?

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