Go home, summer: Fall is the best season, says biased editor

 Fall is upon us, dear reader, and thankfully it’s been easy to tell this year, since this wonderful gift of a season offers the only pockets of cool weather we’ve experienced over the blistering past four months. I’ll be blunt: I. LOVE. FALL. It’s my favorite season because I grew up in Brazil, where our seasons are summer, rain summer, more rain summer and summer lite. So I never really experienced the true joys of changing leaves and chilly weather until my adult life, and by then I was too old to get lost in corn mazes and go on hay rides…Granted I did it anyway, but that’s my business. 

  I bet some of y’all are non-believers (heathens!) and thinking to yourselves, “Well fall is fine, but summer is better!” To that I kindly say, “I hope you’re not this wrong during your midterms.” Sure, summer claims to be the best, with beaches, sunshine and outdoor concerts, but if you’re anything like me and never want the temperature to exceed 65 degrees, then those three “fun” activities sound like a living nightmare. 

  Oh, and if you’re one of those people who tries to argue that winter is better because it has Christmas, allow me to counter-argue that fall doesn’t end until December 21. Winter just rides the coattails of the glorious holiday extravaganza that fall set up for it. You’re welcome winter, have a holy night. 

  I know I may seem a bit, um, manic when it comes to fall, but that’s only because it deserves all the praise, and in this TedTalk I’m gonna break down why.

  We start off the season with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, two Jewish holidays that center on atonement and forgiveness. What an amazing and wholesome start to what is about to be a thrill ride of a fall! 

  Next, we get Columbus Day…okay fine, even fall has its shortcomings. 

  But hey, after that we have HALLOWEEN. Who doesn’t love Halloween! You get to go out with friends in costumes, eat free candy and watch the best selection of animated movies life has to offer! Don’t even try to argue with me on this; Halloween = THE BEST MOVIES. Don’t agree? Here are some examples: The “Halloweentown” series, “Coraline,” “Beetlejuice,” “Hocus Pocus” and even “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (which we kindly let Christmas borrow for a few weeks a year). Honestly, if you are one of the 14 people in this world who doesn’t like Halloween, allow me to learn you something today: This is the perfect time to rock the goth outfit that’s been sitting in the back of your closet since tenth grade. Halloween? More like Hallo-Win! Amirite? Okay fine…I’ll show myself out. 

  Do you only celebrate Halloween because it gives you a reason to go hang out in a graveyard? Well, I have great news for you, my little vampires (side note: “Little Vampire” is another amazing Halloween movie). Día de Muertos is the very next day! On this Mexican holiday, celebrators bake delicious foods and share a meal with their dead loved ones as an offering to them. Granted, Día de Muertos is a spiritual holiday unlike Halloween, but it’s always nice to eat great food and reminisce. 

  At this point, you’re thinking, “Woah, Franny. You can’t follow Halloween. Fall plateaus after October.” Well, allow me to present my rebuttal. THANKSGIVING FAM. (Just forget about genocide and white supremacy for the next few paragraphs.)

  Could there be a more fun (filling) time? It’s a day dedicated to spending time with your entire family and eating so much food that the only thing you are truly thankful for is that the bathroom is empty. Apparently Grandma just walked in, so this may take awhile. In the meantime, you can watch football (if that’s your thing), scour the streets for your favorite float in the Macy’s Parade or turn off the TV and see the true spectacle that is your entire dysfunctional (and very inebriated) extended family argue over how your nose piercing gonna send you straight to hell. 

  I know that Thanksgiving gets a bad rep because it is basically political-discussion night with all of your conservative uncles, and that’s a fair take on it. However, you have a solution right in front of you. Simply invite that argumentative uncle to go Black Friday shopping with you. When he gets in the middle of the ravenous shopping crowd, shout that he is about to buy the last iPhone in the store, and watch the mob devour him like piranhas.

  After all these amazing holidays, the season of fall then gracefully sets the pace for winter to bring this baby home. If somehow you still think, “Well gee, Franny, fall is great, but I don’t know, I still prefer other seasons,” whatever, that’s fine. I respect your opinion and will accept your (entirely misguided) choice. Oh, and I’ve called Crafted Kup to let them know you are not allowed to buy any PSLs because you’re a goblin who hates fun. No hard feelings though.

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