*Space filler article*: Because blank space is boring

Coming to the realization that I am a firstyear student, the idea of midterms not occurring in each and every class is strange to me. Admittedly, this could be due to a multitude of reasons unrelated to my firstyear status, but I digress. The point is that I should not be studying more than my roommate (husband, but whatever), who is a sophomore with plans to major in economics. He should be holed up in a basement somewhere going over numbers, as econ is truly the Major of Depression. My only hope is that it gets rougher in his third year (not mine, only his), and he learns what it means to truly suffer.

I’m curious though… does school work get harder as you progress, or am I imagining how much time sophomores and above have to throw parties at the THs? Why am I dying inside as my husband (I swear he gave me permission to talk about him—just don’t look too closely at his signature) goes to the gym and spends 90 percent of his time showing off his muscles or driving on his very loud motorcycle? (Yes, the motorcycle that wakes everyone up at 3 A.M. is my husband’s. I would apologize, but we all know the smoke alarm at Noyes was going to go off soon anyway.) He sleeps until noon as I sit in the Deece cramming and wiping tears from my eyes that I pretend are from laughter. Clearly, there is no justice in this world.

Back to midterms. I reluctantly spent my weekend preparing study guides and flashcards, only to completely forget that I had a five-page paper due for my writing seminar on Monday. Whoops. (Tried to knock that out and not write total bullshit, hence the early morning Deece tears) Upon arriving to class, I handed in my horribly written paper, that I am almost positive contains quotes from the wrong book (possibly from the wrong class), and immediately switched back to midterm mode. I am not exaggerating when I say tears were running down my face as I despondently dragged myself to the library for some last-minute cramming.

As I examined my archaeology notes, I noticed about halfway through that I decided it would be efficient to practice Russian simultaneously. Probably a decent idea at the time, however I now have no idea whether that ‘p’ is an actual ‘p,’ or a ‘p’ that sounds like an ‘r.’.. or if it’s the ‘r’ looking letter that makes the ‘ch’ sound. See how screwed I am? With some trepidation, I opened the assigned text and tried not to panic over the amount of material I’d never seen in my damn life. Is it too late to NRO a class? Asking for a friend.

Anyway, between my crying spells, I noticed some faces which seem to have genuine happiness in their eyes, which is entirely strange at this point in the year. I have been told all of these, fresh-faced people crowding Main are prospective students. That’s awesome! There is nothing better than walking around your soon-to-be college and seeing zombies with huge bags under their eyes complain about the material their teacher didn’t cover. I mean, that is honestly all I looked forward to while waiting impatiently for summer to end. Luckily, I am finally here and can rock my Vassar sweater every day. After all, washing clothes takes time and money, and you can wear your sweater at least five times before having to launder it, in my humble opinion. By the way, it’s 9 p.m… and my husband is at the gym again. To be fair, I am procrastinating by writing a newspaper article I decided to do LITERALLY at the last minute (four minutes ago). Please send help.

In conclusion (I’ve been told not to write this but I think it’s clear I’m failing English), I hope everyone did well on their midterms and got some rest around the motorcycle engines and fire alarms. Should any of the prospective students read this, college isn’t that bad. Just remember to lower your expectations significantly before the first day of class.

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