‘Twitches’: They’re witches…who are twins! Keep up

a cinematic masterpiece

Grab your twin and get ready for a review of the best Halloween movie ever made! There will be some spoilers, but this movie came out literally 15 years ago so you’re legally not allowed to get mad at me. No spooky movie is as revolutionary or groundbreaking as “Twitches” (2005) starring Tia Mowry and Tamera Mowry (there is, I believe, some relation). “Twitches” defines the modern horror genre with its unpredictable story and terrifying villain, Thantos. The feeling of horror I received from this film when I was seven and the feeling I received from this film last night were exactly the same, only now I have the capacity to examine the techniques used to evoke such intense fear. While this movie does not have a score on Rotten Tomatoes (because film critics are cowards), it does have a stellar reputation among the four people I just talked about it with an hour ago.

The plot of the film, which I will later argue is based on “Hamlet,” is intriguing and enticing, pulling the viewer in as if they’ve never seen a movie about witches (or twins) before. Twin witches separated at birth (hence the extremely clever name) find each other and discover their witchy powers while trying to defeat “the Darkness,” a concept poignantly captured only within this movie. At this point, you may be itching to hear about my comparison of “Twitches” with “Hamlet,” a little known play by an unknown author, William Shakespeare. Well, buckle up, because I’m about to overanalyze the heck out of this Disney Halloween movie.

To start, both feature an antagonist that is the uncle of the protagonist(s). This uncle, in both instances, also killed the father of the protagonist(s), and becomes eerily “close” with their mother. Further, there is also a dynamic duo to look after or protect the protagonist(s). In “Hamlet,” this is accomplished by Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, who spy on the famously emo Prince of Denmark, whereas in “Twitches,” it is done by accidentally almost killing the twins about three times. Although, in my (always correct) opinion, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern have nothing on Ileana and Karsh, those chaotic Scorpios. So basically, “Twitches” is “Hamlet” if Hamlet had a twin…who was a witch, and both were just generally less annoying and broody.

Thantos, the uncle of the twins and the antagonist of the film, controls “the Darkness” that haunts the twins as they try to figure out the source and save their families. Not at all coincidentally, the antagonist in some of the “Avengers” movies is named Thanos. And while I’m fully aware that Thanos appeared about 30 years before “Twitches” came out, I still think something fishy is going on here. It’s very easy to just take the second “t” out of Thantos to make a new name. Marvel definitely knew what they were doing there, using the most well-rounded villain in cinematic history, Thantos, as a template for their newest villain. No antagonist has ever had the emotional depth of Thantos, who often reminisces about his dead brother and only gloats at the end of the film that it was him who did the killing. I actually hear Todd Phillips is making a movie just about him soon! It will star, you guessed it, Joaquin Phoenix as Thantos.

The film also does a good job at tackling class politics. Because the twins were separated at birth, the families that adopted them were radically different. Alex went to a household of lower-middle-class status, while Cam got adopted by a wealthy family. This is acknowledged throughout the film, as the twins clash because of their socioeconomic differences. It is so refreshing to watch a children’s film that addresses such an important issue, but it’s just too bad they don’t delve into it further. They could have made Alex gay, which wouldn’t have been that surprising given her fashion sense, or they could have really shaken things up and addressed the intersectionality of these issues. Looks like the film critics that didn’t touch this movie aren’t the only cowards.

“Twitches” may be spooky and horrifying, but it teaches an important lesson. If you find your twin (who’s out there, trust me), and you assume your witch identity, you are capable of solving all of your problems and saving the world. I’m still looking for my twin so I can get my powers, but I have faith she’s out there. If anyone reading this is also 5’6” with a brunette bob and brown eyes, you may be my twin. There aren’t many people in the world, let alone at Vassar College, with that description, so if that sounds like you, let me know and we can concentrate really hard and save the world.

This cinematic goldmine can be found on Disney Plus for free, or on my grandma’s DVR because she recorded it for me 10 years ago and I’m sure she still hasn’t deleted it. If you like movies about witches, this is perfect for you! It’s got two of them in it! I have to give this movie 2 out of 2, for both witches. Get it? They’re twins… that are witches! Clever.

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