The Miscellany News

Dear Momus,

…where am I?

Sincerely, Lost and Afraid

Dear Lost,

Where to begin? Well, you are at a private liberal arts college in Poughkeepsie, NY, a town nestled in the scenic Hudson Valley. No need to be afraid, as great alumnae/i have walked this very path, including Jane Fonda, Jackie Kennedy, Meryl Streep and, of course, Ivanna Guerra. This is the Vassar College.

Now that I think of it, perhaps that is why you are asking me this question? Did you take a funny brownie before you submitted this question? College students tend to do that a little too often to calm the nerves.

But while you are in a really pensive state, I urge you to ask some real questions. It is not where you are that matters, but who you are. Have you given that some thought? Explain yourself. But before you explain, figure out who “yourself” really is. Look within. College is quite a time to find yourself and to make mistakes while you are at it. Explore and keep an open mind—just make sure not to get bangs.

However, this only applies if you are a student. If you are not, I suggest you see yourself off campus the way you came in. And, please, do not go into people’s homes—we’ve had quite enough of that. You’ve probably gathered from this response that we college students are having a difficult enough time already with our identity crises alone. If you do not trespass, I really recommend taking a tour and stopping by the Juliet to purchase yourself some Vassar merch!

Stay off the drugs,

Momus