Last summer, I had an incredible opportunity to visit NBC 30 Rock and do a studio tour with a group of friends. Among those in my group, there was someone who spent most of their life under a boulder and thus had never heard of SNL, 30 Rock or most other shows on television. As the tour went on, the guide informed us we were directly in front of Jimmy Fallon’s studio, and she then opened the door, peeked inside and whispered very quietly to us, “Jimmy Fallon is actually in there right now doing rehearsal, so we can’t go in.” To which my friend (standing directly in front of the still open door) very loudly responded: “Yo, who the fuck is Jimmy Fallon?”
Well folks, the man apparently can’t keep me down because for some crazy reason I was allowed to go back to the studios and sit in a taping of Jimmy’s (whoever the fuck that is) show. I want to start off by saying that I could take a different approach to this story. I could write about how incredible the opportunity was, and how I met wonderful people and was afforded the opportunity of a lifetime. I could say how Fallon (who dat?) donated a quarter of a million dollars to veterans and changed many lives. Or I could be a total assclown and do my job as Humor Editor by mocking a memory I will forever cherish. I have chosen the latter.
So James (I think that’s his name) starts off his show by having his warm-up comic come out. The comic talks to the audience and gets them ready for the soon-to-be-unfunny afternoon. This guy was great. I don’t remember his name or any jokes he told, but he was hilarious. That much was clear. The flashing lights above us saying “applause” probably helped a little. Then the Roots came out. And I. Lost. My. Goddamn. Mind. I have always said I wanted to see them live, and I still want to because when they walked on stage I blacked out. Maybe it was the lights that caused it, maybe it was the multiple orgasms I had, but regardless I don’t remember much.
After I regained consciousness, the Roots were calmly standing with their instruments, so it was easier to manage my desire to scream. That is around the time that Jimmytopher (who?) himself stepped onto the stage. The audience all cheered, some cried, a few barked (not just the service dogs, either). First impression: Dude is actually tall. Why was I under the impression he was, like, 4’8”? He is actually 6 feet tall and that kind of intimidated me a bit. I mean, granted I was watching on the show that’s named after him and listening to him talk, so maybe his height shouldn’t have been the primary intimidation factor.
Jimbo (???) had a great monologue about something. I really like the parts where he talked about things. Okay folks, I’m gonna level with y’all, I’m still thinking about the Roots. I mean, Questlove was there. How can any lover of music be expected to focus? I always wondered why the host, Jimmy Jazz (his legal name, I think), was so gangly and over the top on stage, and why the Roots always seemed so calm. Well, it’s because they command all the energy in the room with their pure talent, and it’s still Jimtopher’s (quien?) show, so they have to tone it down as best they can. Also if you’re reading this and you don’t like the Roots, then I’m not talking to you. Stop reading.
Anyway, I know that Fallonious (I’m running out of these) gets a bit of a bad rep for being boring and laughing during every segment, even when something is not funny (see his 10 minute interview with Bradley Cooper where they had to scratch it because he was laughing too much at a wig to ask any questions), but after seeing him live I understand why he is this way. He is one of us: a huge dork. He is just a massive fanboy and found himself in a position where he gets to interview and fawn over celebrities all day!
Not only that, but he gets to fall on celebrities, wrestle celebrities while wearing an “Alvin and the Chipmunks” onesie, spit on celebrities and even slap celebrities (all real segments on his show. Not a joke). This guy found a way to live all his sexual kinks on TV every night and get PAID FOR IT. I’d be giggly too. This experience has given me a newfound love and sexual tension towards Jimbobert (that’s gotta be it) and I will put him as my second favorite late night host right behind Conan (ordered by height).
P.S. I love you, the Roots. You can slap me on TV anytime.