Friends break up, third friend now has to deece twice as much

Pictured above is my brain trying to grasp the logistics of most Vassar relationships Courtesy of pxfuel.

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and we all know what that means here at Vassar College: It’s time to break up with your romantic partner. Whether you’ve been a package deal for a few years or just a few months, whether you’ve identified problems you need to work out on your own or your partner tells you it’s over because he’s quitting swim team and you won’t see each other as much so why bother, it seems like couples everywhere are set on ending things.

Juniors Ashton Neimans and Carson Simmons are among those moving on from a partnership this winter.

Neimans told the Misc, “We’d been together since last winter and it was great, but about a month or so ago something just started feeling off. I had a lot of work for classes, and, I don’t know, Carson just spends so much time with their experimental silent music ensemble—I think we both knew it was time to end it.”

Simmons offered their side of the story, saying, “Well, Ashton’s graduating in a year and I’m graduating in a year and that just really makes me think: What’s the point in staying together another year? Might as well just call it now.” They added, “The hardest part is telling our friends. It’s taken such a big toll on their lives and well-beings. It almost makes me think we should’ve stayed together just for them, but we need to be true to ourselves.”

“We only just told Andie yesterday,” Neimans confessed.

“Yeah, it was really hard to break it to her,” added Simmons.

The Misc tracked down Andie Hindman ’21, the close friend Simmons and Neimans were unable to bring themselves to tell about their break up.

“It was a really weird conversation, like they thought I didn’t know or something? But my best friend Ty texted me the day it happened, so I don’t know why they thought I wouldn’t have heard something,” Hindman said. “Breakups are hard,” they reflected, “especially at a small school, but I didn’t even think about it until they started texting me asking if I wanted to get meals separately.”

Hindman told the Misc that Neimans and Simmons each text her three times a day asking if she’d like to join one of them at the Deece for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

“I don’t see why we can’t still use the group chat we had before,” Hindman said. “Neither one of them has left it.”

When pressed for a comment, Neimans told the Misc, “Well, I didn’t want to be the first one to leave the group chat because I didn’t want Carson to feel like I was upset with them, so I just text everyone separately now. Especially Andie, since I know how hard our breakup has been for her. I mean, Carson and I were her best friends. But we’re all doing our best and trying to be gracious here. So I text Andie and ask if she wants to have a meal, but it’s not a big deal if she’s already got plans with Carson or something.”

“I wish they’d just leave me alone while they figure their shit out,” Hindman shared. “Maybe that’s harsh, but I really did try to spend time with both of them separately since that’s what they want. The last time I told Ashton I already had plans with Carson, he set fire to a dummy of my head outside my window. And the one time I told Carson I’d made plans with Ashton, they keyed the door to the TA next to mine. How can they make such a fuss about who I spend time with but they don’t even know where I live? Anyway,” Hindman continued, “Now I just eat six meals a day and it’s fine.”

Other members of their friend group reported similar aggressive responses from the former couple. Hindman’s best friend, Junior Ty Ingle, described an event in which Neimans flipped over a Deece table in response to Ingle greeting Simmons with a friendly wave. A senior who wished to remain anonymous for fear of retribution said, “It’s getting a little out of hand. This is a small school, but it’s not so small you can’t move on without ruining everyone else’s lives.”

Hindman holds out hope that the two will move on soon. An acquaintance shared with her that she’d found Neimans on Tinder, and although his bio read “just here looking to piss someone off lol hmu for Valentine’s Day,” she sees this as a good sign. In the meantime, Hindman has just turned off her phone, saying, “If they can’t be civil I’m just not going to answer their texts.”

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