Horoscopes: March 26

ARIES
March 21 | April 19

Don’t be surprised if you feel a little extra impulsive this week. Confess your feelings, or air a grievance, or cut your bangs. Just kidding. I know you’ve already cut your bangs.

TAURUS
April 20 | May 20

Times are tough, especially when the touch starvation sets in. Sit outside and breathe the fresh air. Make a playlist about how you’re feeling. I know you take too much pride in your Spotify account.

GEMINI
May 21 | June 20

Distract yourself with useless information. I’ll help: There’s about six teaspoons in a standard shot. Giraffes can make noises beyond the range of human hearing. My dad’s middle name is Alan.

CANCER
June 21 | July 22

While it may not feel like it, you’re still in a lucky patch, work-wise. Productivity is pretty high this week—maybe get dressed for all of your classes? Nothing like Zoom-ing in a fresh ’fit.

LEO
July 23 | August 22

You’re feeling socially stunted. Uncertainties abound, so there’s only one thing to do: Bake. Everything. You’ll get a feast, plus compliments from your co-habitants. It’s a win-win!

VIRGO
August 23 | September 22

For once, I’m asking you to work. Use newfound drive to kill it in your classes. Flex those introverted tendencies, and maybe organize your desk at home for a calming space. Caffeinate, responsibly.

LIBRA
September 23 | October 22

People are missing your energetic, friendly presence in their lives. Send friends carefully curated memes to their tastes. Why not make your own? It’ll be a creative project to calm your nerves.

SCORPIO
October 23 | November 21

Novelty isn’t your strong suit, so take this week to focus on yourself. Really, truly focus on yourself: Your emotions, your needs. Have you considered soup? It’s really good. Maybe you need soup.

SAGITTARIUS
November 22 | December 21

At times like these, focus on your friends. Need more friends? I am available! I am always in my house. I only talk about the Bon Appétit YouTube channel. And I am terrible at Snap streaks. :)

CAPRICORN
December 22 | January 19

We’re all stressed, you included, but don’t be surprised if people come to you seeking help. It’s your stable presence that calms us all down. Plus, you know where the unmute button is on Zoom.

AQUARIUS
January 20 | February 18

It’s been a sec since you’ve gotten obsessed with something—now’s the time! Animal Crossing is finally out. If you’ve ever wanted to be in debt to a raccoon, you can now experience it firsthand!

PISCES
February 19 | March 20

Pre-quarantine I bought three tiny glass bottles and they made my life a thousand times better. Dig around and see if you can find any small glass bottles; it will change your whole outlook.

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