It’s October now, the season for spookiness and existential terror triggered by surging class workloads. With spaces such as the library and College Center no longer available for (unmasked) studying, many students, myself included, are struggling to focus and engage meaningfully with their homework from their own living quarters. Fortunately, there is a solution: Run away from your responsibilities. Many may wonder: How do I do that when I can’t even leave campus? To help, I’ve included a handy list of the top 10 places in my room to hide from my responsibilities.
10. Under my bed
This is on here as an homage to a classic hiding place that has never worked for anyone. If Liam Neeson’s daughter in Taken couldn’t successfully hide under a bed, you can bet this will be the first place your responsibilities try to find you. Of course, it’s always worth a try—if the underneath of your bed is anything like mine, you might buy yourself a few extra minutes before your responsibilities track you down.
9. Behind my door
Much like hiding under a bed, hiding behind a door is not my go-to. It works OK if your responsibilities are in a rush and won’t look for you too closely, but if they’re even just a little bit observant they’ll hear you breathing right away or, worse, see your feet underneath the crack between the door and the floor. This is certainly an option, but it’s never my first choice.
8. Under my rug
Hiding underneath a rug is quite simple if you first learn how to make yourself two dimensional. Here’s how I do it: I collapse all my bones like a cat until I lay perfectly flat on top of the floor, then do my best to inch my way underneath my rug. I could probably just start as my normal four-dimensional self underneath the rug and collapse there, saving myself some unnecessary inching—but, honestly, it’s kind of fun. Hiding things under rugs is still pretty predictable, but it works in a pinch.
7. Behind my curtain
OK, by this point in the list you’re probably thinking, “Blair, these aren’t the top 10 places in your room to hide from your responsibilities—you don’t even like the first three!” This is a valid critique, and I respond by saying that just because I don’t find them particularly effective to hide from my responsibilities doesn’t mean they won’t be effective when you try to hide from your responsibilities. Plus, a lot of these are just classic hiding spots, and this wouldn’t be a valid Top 10 list without them. I will say, though, that hiding behind my curtain is a pretty good place for anyone trying to hide from my responsibilities. My curtain is semi-transparent, so it is pretty easy to see someone’s shadow through it, but I’ve fooled my responsibilities once or twice with some clever shadow puppetry. I actually scared them pretty badly last time by pretending to be a dragon, but my go-to is usually just pretending to be the shadow of a tree.
6. Right underneath my window sill
Technically this isn’t in my room, but it’s a damn good hiding spot. When I hear my responsibilities coming, I just throw open my window, crawl out and dangle from below the window sill. This way, even if they’re sure I’m in my room, and even if they come to the window and look out to see if I’m outside, they won’t see me because I’m being very sneaky.
5. Behind my door but holding onto and dangling from the the frame
Much like dangling from the window sill, dangling from the door frame is a much better strategy than simply hiding behind the door. It eliminates the chance that my responsibilities will see my shadow below the door frame at any point, meaning they’re less likely to check behind the door in general. Plus, sometimes it feels nice on my shoulders to dangle from things.
4. Among my laundry on the floor
This is where the hiding places get advanced. Some people might call keeping a pile of dirty laundry on your floor “gross,” but I call it “being prepared.” As the pile gets bigger, it gets easier to camouflage yourself among the discarded clothes. Hiding under your own clothing also masks your scent, so the bloodhounds your responsibilities have brought to track you down will just think you are your own dirty laundry.
3. Inside my mattress
While this admittedly won’t mask your scent as well as your dirty laundry, it is much harder to kick aside an entire mattress. A pile of laundry draws attention to itself, which can be both a good thing and a bad thing, but a mattress, particularly topped with a large blanket, blends right into the room. Having a hollowed-out mattress does make sleeping on top of it a little less comfortable, but it’s worth it for the quick and easy hiding place when your responsibilities come to find you.
2. Pretend to be a poster on my wall
Ever heard of hiding in plain sight? I probably don’t need to explain this one much further if you have. Basically, you just hold really still in front of your wall and hope that your responsibilities mistake you for some kind of decoration. It works much better than you’d think.
1. At my desk
Sometimes the best way to escape your responsibilities is just to face them.