Dear Dr. G,
My roommate is worried that if I bring a “special friend” into our double that he’ll be listed as a close contact soon after. Can you give me some suggestions of spaces on campus that I can use to set the mood just right without pissing off my roommate?
–Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
Even before COVID-19, Vassar students have always been interested in testing the bounds of where they can hook up. Some more conventional options include the Mug, outside of Ferry and the shower of your TA, while more adventurous options are Rocky Hall, in the car of a stranger in the TH parking lot and in that one gender neutral bathroom on the first floor of the library that has a locking door. This question is now more critical than ever, and lucky for you, I have personally researched which locations can best put you in the mood.
One of the first questions you must consider is to what degree you are comfortable with public play. For those who lean into a hookup in plain view, I recommend making use of the outdoor green spaces on campus. For example, the Vassar Farm and Ecological Preserve (VFEP) has countless semi-secluded paths and locations that present the perfect angles for any sexual position, and it comes with the added risk that you may be discovered by an Intro Biology class just looking for bugs. Hooking up at the VFEP comes with the added sensuality of exploring every inch of your partner’s body after the encounter for the recommended tick-check. Better yet, if you’re more of a night owl, the small garden under the Bridge has a winding path with about chest height grass, perfect for doing the nasty in only somewhat seclusion in the night hours. Plus, for some, doing it just behind the Chapel is just the rush you need to make your COVID sex dreams come true.
On the other hand, many prospective hookups, as well as yourself, may be somewhat averse to public sex. This is understandable, and lends itself to a host of indoor locations, especially as the weather gets more brisk this fall. The first recommendation is for most of the girls and gays, who have the goal of hooking up in each dorm but have been held up at Strong House for years. Fortune favors the bold; reach out to your close friend in Strong and ask to borrow their room for the night, and finally make your geographic sex life complete by finishing your sexual dorm scavenger hunt (or, just have sex with your close friend from Strong…?). Just across the quad, you can head to the basement of Raymond just below the Annex and discover the perpetually unlocked “HELTER SKELTER” door, which also checks the box of setting the mood for your spooky Halloween shenanigans (maybe a ghost will join in!). If you’re looking for something a bit more academic, you can go to the first floor bathroom of the Bridge—but be careful, you don’t want to run into any Gen Chem or Orgo students post-lab looking for the perfect cry spot (keep an eye out for the follow-up of best cry spots on campus). I know many of you may be thinking that the roof of Kenyon may be a good option, but personally I’m afraid of heights, and this portion of the list is all indoors, so I suggest you move a few meters to the right of the open window to a Kenyon dance studio. What could be more alluring than a wide open room full of mirrors—perfect for getting every angle for your OnlyFans? Finally, I wanted to include an actually accessible option, which is the lecture room on the first-floor of New England. Bonus points for the doors all having windows and the risk of being caught increasing by at least 200 percent.
Listen, I get it. Sometimes, we just aren’t that adventurous, and I, too, feel most at home in my good ol’ Twin XL. Just remember that your hookup is only for tonight, but your roommate will talk sh*t about your hookup with you in two weeks when you realize she was a jerk, so make sure to keep your priorities straight.