Horoscopes: March 4

I crashed a discord voice chat and asked them for horoscopes

ARIES
March 21 | April 19
If you find yourself in a rodeo this week, be one with the bull and fight back. Take the bull by its horns.

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AQUARIUS
January 20 | February 18

What is a horoscope?

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SCORPIO
October 23 | November 21

You got the worst sign. Cry about it.

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LIBRA
September 23 | October 22

Put your left foot in and your left foot out. But do NOT do the hokie pokie and shake it all about for good fortune.

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CAPRICORN
December 22 | January 19

Narwhals are better than unicorns. You are unique. You are breathtaking. Impale your enemies.

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PISCES
February 19 | March 20

We forgot to write about this one………..

When your friend stands outside your door with an iced coffee for you don’t keep her waiting. She has a Minecraft game to get to. Also, don’t be afraid of déjà vu.

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CANCER
June 21 | July 22

Crabs have ten legs. Squat ten times to achieve your dream job and quads.

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GEMINI
May 21 | June 20

If you see yourself in the mirror, do not be afraid and tell the person to fuck off.

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SAGITTARIUS
November 22 | December 21

If your mom says no, just ask your dad instead.

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VIRGO
August 23 | September 22

Don’t pick up another frog. You don’t need to make them lonely with you.

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LEO
July 23 | August 22

Stop screaming.

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