March 21 | April 19
If you find yourself in a rodeo this week, be one with the bull and fight back. Take the bull by its horns.
January 20 | February 18
What is a horoscope?
October 23 | November 21
You got the worst sign. Cry about it.
September 23 | October 22
Put your left foot in and your left foot out. But do NOT do the hokie pokie and shake it all about for good fortune.
December 22 | January 19
Narwhals are better than unicorns. You are unique. You are breathtaking. Impale your enemies.
February 19 | March 20
We forgot to write about this one………..
When your friend stands outside your door with an iced coffee for you don’t keep her waiting. She has a Minecraft game to get to. Also, don’t be afraid of déjà vu.
June 21 | July 22
Crabs have ten legs. Squat ten times to achieve your dream job and quads.
May 21 | June 20
If you see yourself in the mirror, do not be afraid and tell the person to fuck off.
November 22 | December 21
If your mom says no, just ask your dad instead.
August 23 | September 22
Don’t pick up another frog. You don’t need to make them lonely with you.
July 23 | August 22